We Three Kings and A Puppy

Small Home Decorating...

2011-12-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

So I have no real room for a big Christmas Tree this year, haven't really for the last three years, and my old artificial tree broke. So instead of going out and replacing a tree for our little home this week, I used my little fiber optics tree to decorate a table with some small ornaments, hung my lights in my windows and the rest of the ornaments from the light bar and arch ways in my home, with my white garland. I found a way to make my home festive and celebrate my favorite holiday with my favorite thing, putting up my ornaments and pretty decorations. Here are a few tips through my pictures, sorry if they are not so great.

Crying.....and a ball

2011-11-29T18:11:00.000-08:00

Next month, my husband and I are going to my first and last military ball. I get to dress up in a beautiful dress, with beautiful jewelry, pretty shoes, have my hair done, nails done, with pretty hair doodads and all. Well, we decided on a dress that would match his pants (well kind of, I thought we were going for the darker dress, which would have matched perfect, but I have a lighter dress, but it is just a beautiful). As I was considering accessories, a must for these types of things for women, I was considering purses, shoes, jewelry and nails. I found the perfect shoes, a great little silver clutch, wonderful hair doodads and nail polish with a nail polish pen to actually draw on my nails (wonders will never cease) and in silver even. I was just having troubles with deciding on my jewelry. I knew the bracelet that I wanted to wear, it was the one my sister picked out for all of her sisters, we were her bridal party and since I was not there for the actual wedding, I got it the day I showed up for her viewing after she passed away from her battle with cancer. When my husband decided to join the church, he knew there were things he had to do and was getting ready to deploy, so we had to wait for fifteen months for him to come home and get himself squared away for his baptism. He decided to buy me a wedding ring set after he got home because all I had was my engagement ring. So as we were picking it out, he decided to get a set, but his kept loosing the diamonds, so we bought him a different one that would match as best as possible to the one that I had. While there, he bought my mother a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring and earring set in white gold, and I had previously picked out a large (I would say foot and a half) teddy bear in an army green uniform and gave him general stars with dog tags with my dad's name on them saying he is the general of the Frakes Family. He is the oldest of his siblings and the patriarch of our family. We presented these to my parents at my husband's baptism when they brought Dean to us in 2008 that August. It hit me one night that the jewelry would be perfect and would make my night that much more special. So, I called my sister and talked to her about looking for them, and then tried to get a hold of my dad. I knew it might be a long shot, I have to have the ring re-sized and I didn't know if he would let me have them for that because of that main reason. Instead, he said that since we bought them, I should have them back. Amy mailed them to me last Friday from Missouri and I received them in the mail today. I knew that opening the box would be hard to see the ring and earrings, I knew I would cry. It was so emotional doing so. I know that my night dressing up beautiful for my husband will have that extra special something because she will be with me now. I asked my husband something a while back, I want to make her ring my wedding ring, I really hope he does allow it, I want to have her with me at all times, or if he doesn't let me do that, to wear it on my finger where I wear my engagement ring. I miss my mom, there are many times I want to call her and give her news or ask for advice, or share something exciting. Especially lately with Dean and how wonderful he is doing, or to talk about the ball, and how fun it is to be getting all dressed up again. You never know how much you miss someone or appreciate them until they are gone. Hold on to your dear loved ones tight, you'll miss them dearly when they are no longer there.

So Many Emotions Right Now....

2011-11-09T04:56:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to sit down for sometime and store some thoughts about my feelings recently but there just has been an overload of emotions that I felt I could not handle it all. I have even more now. When I was pregnant with my son, my beautiful mother was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia. This is very different from Acute as that the person suffering from it will live a longer life, only need treatments as needed and mostly likely die of other natural causes. So for thirteen years she battled this cancer, while I battled my own, which was a much easier battle, her granddaughter battled hers, and her daughter lost her life to her own in 2009. Mine was the easier of the bunch. I had mine removed and even though it was stage four, there were no treatments and it did not spread, I count myself very lucky and blessed by this fact, it could have been so much worse. My niece lost one of her kidneys and had to do chemotherapy, she is a healthy, happy 11 year old that you would never know from looking at her that she battled cancer at six months. My sister was diagnosed shortly after marrying her sweet husband. She fought a long hard battle for eight months and passed away on May 7th, 2009, four days before her birthday, and a full ten days before her first anniversary. My mom lost her sister to cancer and my dad lost his brother and his beloved wife. Needless to say, we really do not like cancer, in fact we hate the disease in our family. It has caused treasures to suffer, taken treasures and taken them much too early. So yes, my mom died, Sept. 9th, 2011, twenty days before her birthday, and at almost 48 years of marriage, what a feat for my parents. Most assuredly soul mates, I promise you, I have never doubted my parents love for each other. My son discovered something on the way home from scouts last night. We were discussing the meaning of first and middle names with two of the scouts we give rides to. After dropping them off I told him to look up my parents names. Charles and Carolyn. Both are Germanic, Charles means manly farmer, while Carolyn means Joy feminine but is a variant of Charles meaning manly. Grandpa told him that means they were looking for tough names because Grandma was a strong woman, which she really was, but I told my dad, it really just goes to show how much they were meant to be together, they had the same names, just the male/female version of them. While she was battled the Leukemia, she also battled breast cancer, and survived. You see, my mother was a nurse and remained in nursing until the day she passed from this earth into the hands of our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. What does this have to do with everything and her cancer, it helped her survive if you ask me. Taking care of others kept my mother going. She was extraordinary nurse, and as some people put it, an example of what nurses should be. She had nine children, two of them twins (which was unexpected). At the time she was expecting myself and my twin sister, she had six children at home and was going to college, working and taking care of all her children. She wound up having to quit her dream for a time period because twins were just a bit harder than she thought, but that did not stop her. When we were in fourth and fifth grade, after taking classes through night school to get her prerequisites, she went to school full time two hours away to graduate with her RN. With this RN she became a Nurse Manager, later a Director of Nursing, then went back to Nurse Manager because of her cancer due to the treatments and stress, the first time I have ever seen my mother say something was too much for her. What an amazing woman, and not just because she was my mom. She helped me be a better mother, I learned from her what to do when I became a single mother after my divorce, it saved me a lot of heartache in watching my son be torn between two mean and hateful parents, because I reserved judgement and never spoke and still do not speak about his dad unkindly. My parents babysat for me (all while she was working full time, taking care of a husband who had serious health issues off and on), he loves his grandpa and grandma and is extremely close to them. He misses grandma so much.

My beautiful mom and my dad

Recently in my old ward, we just moved to another part of post and changed wards, a little three year old girl was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She just passed away yesterday. While I am still grieving myself, it has been hard to separate the two. I had the opportunity to help her parents out while they were getting ready to leave church my last Sunday in the ward. They needed someone to sit with her as they were loading up the rest of their family. So I offered to help out since I was hunting mom down anyway to giver her something. I cannot describe how frustrating it was to not know how to help this sweet little angel. The tumor had affected her speech and only mom and dad could really understand her wants and needs. I was showing her pictures on my iPad. Come to find out when dad got there, she wanted to shop for earrings and nail polish. Even in her most frustrating moments, she was still happy and wanted to be normal. Although I could not comply, my iPad does not have data usage, I thought how wonder it was that she still was a little girl. While I only got a glimpse of their day, if it can even be called that, it was an eye opener for me for sure. I had a sick child when my son was born, but nothing to that extent. I was always grateful that my son survived the things he went through as a baby, surgery, viral meningitis, high fevers, flu, scarlet fever, and another rash with high fever. It was not easy, and certainly very scary to say the least, but having a child with cancer and seeing how helpless they are, watching them suffer through treatments, being sick, that is something no child should have to go through, and then there is the fact that some of them die. I cannot imagine the pain of the loss of a child. My parents had to experience, my grandmother had to experience it. Each handled it differently, I can tell you that, but I saw the sadness in their eyes knowing they lost a child, even if it was an adult child. Being a parent does not change that. How do you cope with that? I hope and pray I never find out. This sweet little girl was vibrant, beautiful and touched many hearts. I will share her CaringBridge and encourage anyone who reads this to please read her story. The tumor she had is rare, and this makes the second child I know that has died from it. How truly sad to lose so small and so innocent children to such a horrible disease. I am also going to share another thing. Here is the CaringBridge: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/miraclemadidouglas
and here is the other site it is called The Cure Starts Now: http://www.thecurestartsnow.org/
It was started by parents who also lost their child to the same type of tumor. Please keep these families that have children suffer from these tumors in your thoughts and prayers. I know this is not the most happiest of post on my blog, but I felt a need to get the words out.

30 Days of Thankfulness

2011-11-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, YES! My I Am A Mormon Profile is done, all you have to do is now follow the two links on my page and you can see it, soooo excited!

Okay, now on to the reason for the title. Some wonderful friends of mine started a 30 Days of Thankfulness so I was inspired by their example and have decided to join in the movement! So far we are all up to day nine and I would like to document them on here so that I have them to reflect on when times get rough for me instead of having to search for them on Facebook every time I want to contemplate them. As the month goes on I will add each day as I add it to Facebook. It is surprisingly hard to find something each day to be thankful for, really makes you think about what you dwell on in your life and that you can improve on that and be a better person. I always thought that I was a positive person, but I am realizing that I need to do better about being upbeat, so if I becoming annoyingly so I will not apologize for being that person, which to me would be chipper and all the other things that drive most people nuts, hehe. So here they are:
Day 1: I am thankful my husband and his service to our country.
Day 2: I am thankful for my friends who have been posting their thankfulness.
Day 3: I am thankful for my family.
Day 4: I am thankful for old friends and new friends, especially Missy Johansson-old friend, Jhona Oberholter- new friend (she is just amazing), Lisa Sherman- who is equally amazing and really without my mother I really would not know, Valerie Gordon- new friend and Caci Harmon- new friend. Each one of these ladies are inspiring to me and have become a valued friend to me, I should tell them more that they are. I can talk to each one when I need to, share my problems, but they can also count on me if need be. I value each and everyone of them, something I failed to mention on Facebook and I wish I had at the time. They each are unique and have strong testimonies that have in turn strengthened mine. Missy is my oldest and dearest friend and we have many fond and those why did we do that memories, lol. I love her like a sister.
Day 5: I am thankful for my son. He maybe a pain in the booty teenager, but he is mine and I love him more than anything in the world. He can be thoughtful, loving, generous and kind. It is these moments when I know I am doing my job as a mother right and I am so proud of him.
Day 6: I know this one is silly....but I am thankful for my beast of a puppy who cuddles with me when I sleep (even if he is a bed hog), does awesome tricks because he is so smart, has a sixth sense when I have a migraine coming on and doesn't leave my side, especially when they are really going to be bad ones and for the family who gave him to us that has become family to us in return (Vicky and Richard Powell), thank you for my favorite puppy (who by the way loves tootsie roll pops and popcorn)!
Day 7: I am thankful for my mom and dad raising me in the gospel and for the knowledge it has given me. It brings me much comfort, lots of friends, which I know I have already said, but it is so true, that have the same faith as I do. I am grateful for a husband who found that faith also, also through my mom, what a wonderful woman she is!
Day 8: I am thankful for my brothers, two who serve as police officers, one in the navy and the other who, as my nephew John Anthony put it when he got his new job (which is dangerous), gets to blow things up all day where he works at the mines. They are good husbands, fathers and brothers and I love each and everyone of them. They each work hard for their families, two for their communities, one for his country. Our parents really did a great job with raising good men, because that is what parents do with little boys, they raise men.
Day 9: Sorry this one is a little long, but I am thankful that my son is right where he belongs, with myself and my husband. That I am trustworthy enough that I can do what I am doing right now for other children, even if it is for a short while. Mostly, I am thankful I had a great example of what a mother is supposed to be, that I had a great sounding board when I had questions, needed advice when things started to get hard with Dean and that my mom was there for me when I was a single mother. It was hard, but I never had the troubles that could have been there because of the help that my parents gave me with Dean. Because of them, and the advice my mom gave me, I am a good mom and I know I am, I might make mistakes, but I know that I try hard and I love my son, that I would do anything for him, and he knows this.
Frakes, my nephew John Anthony Frakes, Doug Lewis (who is family in all sense of the word), my brothers-in-law Deryl

Day 13: I am thankful for modern medicine that helped me find a doctor that is helping me with my migraines, for the medicine he prescribed me that I can take to get rid of them when I do get them and for the preventatives that I take that stops them in their tracks before they even start. My life is getting more like normal because of these medicines. There was a time when Gerry was deployed in 2009-2010 when I was getting them and they were hard to shake. I would suffer for months at a time, barely functioning most days, just doing enough to get by. Having dinner ready, the house just clean enough, enough clothes for my son and I clean to suffice. I felt half zombie. I struggled to get someone to listen to how severe they really were. I had a doctor who listened, but they moved him from the hospital and then made me wait for several months to get a new one. I went through that same thing a few more times before I finally got a referral from a great doctor and saw my neurologist. He is wonderful and listens to me.
Day 14: I am thankful for my sisters. They are each amazing. Especially for Tracy and Amy for their sacrifices in helping my parents, and for Kimi for making frequent visits to their home. I missed out on so much because we live so far away and cannot visit as much. I am also thankful for Dawn. She had an amazing spirit about her and I am grateful she found an amazing husband in Ryan. Couldn't ask for a better family.
Day 15: I am thankful for a husband who helps me at home, even after putting in a hard days work. He knows when I have had a rough day, or have a migraine, or might be having other problems that prevent me from keeping up or getting everything done after working hard all day and helps me get it done. I couldn't ask for a better man and husband, he is a good day and a good example and a hard worker. How blessed I am to have him in my life.
I have reached my halfway point. It gets hard to think of something to be thankful for each day. It really makes you ponder what you dwell on in your life, the positive or the negative. I have always considered myself a glass half full person, even get after my husband about being a glass half empty person. I need to make some changes, but I think this will help, maybe I need to make this a habit each day to keep me more positive.
Day 16: I am thankful for my mother-in-law (or as I call her, my mommy-in-law, lol). She accepted me with open arms, loves my son and I unconditionally. I am grateful she raised a wonderful son who knows how to be a man and a provider. I can call her for advice, know she will pray when they are needed and helped me give a surprise of a lifetime when Gerry came home last year. It was wonderful having her here. I love her so much, and couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law, thank you so much Virginia Rotering for being so amazing and wonderful, I love you!
Day 17: Today, I am thankful for books...my favorite thing is to read and to get away from reality for a few hours (because I loose myself and all track of time). Books can inspire, teach, tell a person's story, and share imagination. I love my books and I am thankful for the author's that write them and transport me to another world. Some of my favorite authors are: Tolkin, Rowling, Alcott (I have read Little Women over 600 time, my absolute favorite book), and Anne Frank. Some of my favorite books are: Little Women, The Diary of Anne Frank, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, The Bible and Book of Mormon, Harry Potter Series, and Inheritance Series.
Day 18: I am thankful for the Scouting program that helps teach my son values and morals, the same values and morals we are teaching him at home. The scouting program and through the our church's young men's program, which works hand in hand in parenting and the Boy Scouts program really does well in helping raise well rounded men. I am so grateful for this program.
Day 19: I am thankful for the military and the sacrifices that they make for me. My husband is my hero. I am especially thankful for all they provide for my family and myself. We have insurance, and housing, heat/air conditioning, water, a grocery store to shop at on post and so much more. We are well taken care of.
Day 20: I am thankful for the police, the highway patrol, the marshals, sheriff department and other peace keeping professionals that do their jobs for us. This weekend, especially, they are helping in keeping like on post a little more peaceful by doing what they do best and I am so grateful for them. They do their jobs, much like the military, volunteering to put their lives out there when others will not. They receive very little recognition for this and are criticized for it daily by those that do not understand that one stop or one call could be the one that changes lives for them and their family. This includes the fire department personal. Now the reason behind this specific post. Each year there is a protest outside of one of the gates here at the base we are currently stationed at. It is frustrating to the citizens of both the base and the community. They (the protesters) believe they are doing a great thing and are not protesting the military personal that are stationed here, but they really are. Without going into great detail, what they are protesting happened a long time ago, things were changed, standards were changed to do the best that could be done to prevent the same thing from happening again. What they do not realize they are doing is hurting those that live here. Fences get put up at the businesses on the street they occupy for the time they are here, around the homes they protest in front of. They are protesting the military personal that are stationed here, because it is their job, they have to follow orders, not doing so could mean serious consequences if they do not, and most of these men and women love their jobs anyway and love to follow orders because they love their job, otherwise, they would not freely enlist in the USArmy. It is disrespectful. It took us on one specific day twenty minutes to pick up our son for what should have been a short five to ten minute drive depending on traffic because of all the rerouting that the police, sheriff and marshals had to do. I refer to it as the monkey show, as most of them no longer realize or know what they are even here for.
Day 21: Today I am thankful for not having to get up at five-thirty in the morning for the week. Dean has the entire week of for Thanksgiving Getting him up that early in the morning is plain crazy. Neither of us are morning people, but I get up without fail, with no complaints (not so much in this department on his part, lol) to get him up and get him moving in the morning to catch his bus for school, so getting to sleep in has been wonderful.
Day 22: I am thankful that my ancestors came to this country providing me with the freedoms that I have to worship as I do, and all the many of freedoms that they fought for as they served in the military from the Revolutionary War and on up to the members that I have that now serve.
Day 23: I am thankful that Dean met his older sister Tashena and her family, two brothers and a little sister, and her parents. They welcomed us both with open arms. He has an amazing new family on top of this one. what more could a mother ask for??
Day 24: I am thankful that I am blessed to have the food I am getting to eat today on my table, that my Heavenly Father takes care of my family and loves us all.
Day 25: I am thankful I am not out shopping in the stores, that I am home enjoying the day with my husband and son and not out in the madness.
Day 26: I am thankful my parents taught my siblings and I the true meaning of this time of year; to always be grateful for what we have and that Christmas is about Christ, which means it's not about how much or what you receive, but what you give and the love you give it with.
Day 27: I am thankful for heating pads, it has made my back feel a little better. I hurt it a week ago and was unable to move, bend or do anything, with the help of some meds and the heating pad, I am back to normal in less than a week.
Day 28: I am thankful for Dean and how well he has been doing the last five days, he seems like a shiny new penny. He and Gerry were wrestling in therapy today, he has been all smiles and wonders will never cease, he is sitting on the floor and doing his homework (even with a slight distraction from Legend). He actually did most of it.
Day 29: Today I am thankful for heat. It is down right cold outside (and for me to say that means it is down right cold here in Georgia, not chilly, which is my usual phrase). I really do think that we might get snow today.
Day 30: I am thankful that my sister Amy found the jewelry for the ball to go with my dress, the sentimental value is irreplaceable. It was my mother's that Gerry picked out for her, in her birth stone, and gave to her as a present in a way of thanking her for helping bring him to the truthfulness of the gospel. He presented it to her when her and my dad came down for his baptism. For my dad to return it to me means more than words and I am so full of emotions right now. (I posted this a day early, I knew that this would be my post tomorrow and needed to do it while I was able to, I have been full of emotions off and on most of the night).

Moving Day....Again....

2011-09-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

So today is moving day, again! Plus side, we are not doing the actual packing and transporting, just the unpacking (well, mostly me doing this since Gerry is back to work again), down side, we have one more move ahead of us. In February Gerry starts his terminal leave from the military for his retirement and we are then headed to Montana. We have decided to make this our permanent home for our life after military life. So what am I doing today, sitting on the computer trying to keep myself distracted and busy while Two Guys and a Truck pack us up and then move us to our new house on post. They are renovating our housing area so we are being moved again. The good thing to this is that our new house is brand new inside and we have a privacy fence (wood one, no chain link) with grass both front and back, which means less weeds and no more dirt, dirt, dirt. Legend will no longer be tracking in a mess for us to keep up with on our floors, yay! Plus, our new home has new wood floors, new appliances, new paint and four bedrooms (why we need that much, I have no clue, but it will help us because we are not unpacking everything so one room will be storage, we are just unpacking what we really need over the next five months). The fun that these poor guys have had today was some rain (it actually came down hard for about ten minutes before quitting), a very upset and whinny dog (Legend is in puppy jail, lol, upstairs for the time being, then he will be brought downstairs and the baby gates will be put up to keep him in the living room while they pack up the bedrooms upstairs and the bathroom, poor thing just wants to play and RUN). This move is changing our ward, something we are accepting reluctantly, we love our ward that we are in and that we started in, but know that change is right around the corner, so yes, accepting. We look forward to making new friends, but still keeping our old ones. We have made so many here. Change is hard sometimes, but at the same time a good thing, and it can be hard to see the good thing. (and on a side note: Legend is now free to roam the living room, he is happily sniffing away, lol). We will see how much of a good thing this will be for us, but we will miss our ward family that we have made in the Flat Rock Ward.

This is what Puppy Jail looks like:

Let me explain why I do this to my beloved but rotten puppy. We have to leave the front door open for the movers, but due to this, Legend would just love to take off and run. He loves to run and does not stop and thinks it is a game and has even ran into the street and almost been hit by a car. So to prevent him from running off when we have to leave the front door open, I bought baby gates to put up and keep him from getting to the front door and get out. He may not like it, but it works. Silly puppy, but I love him too much to have him picked up by the Animal Control Officer or to be hit by a car because of his love to run when he can get out. (we even have to put locks on our chain link gate so that he cannot open it, smart dog, but wow, crazy!)

I Am A Mormon...

2011-09-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Today in Relief Society and Priest Hood in a joint meeting we were encouraged to put together a profile on Mormon.org. I have added a couple of things to my blog. I make it no secret that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. It was something that I was not active in a long time ago (well five years go to be exact), but after my son and my husband were baptized, I became active and gained a testimony. Since then, I have been sealed to my husband in the Atlanta, GA Temple. I do not know how many people read my blog, I really do not care, to be honest, this is for myself, my son and whatever other children we may have and their children and so on. But for those that do read, I Am A Mormon and very proud of my faith and love my faith and my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I know that the gospel is true. I hope this stirs someone somewhere to go to Mormon.org and learn more. There are some very large misconceptions about the Mormon Faith out there. The website was designed to answer questions about our faith by everyday members. It is a great web site. You can even speak with our missionaries directly online if you have questions or ask for a free Book of Mormon or Bible. Knowing that I have an Eternal Family is the greatest comfort that I have in my life. That I will see my family again is amazing, this was all done by our Father in Heaven, part of our Heavenly Fathers mission was to (Pearl Of Great Price Chapter 1 verse 39): For behold this is my work and my glory- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Our Savior came here to help fulfill that mission. It was all for the work and the glory of our Heavenly Father. What a selfless man he was, he loves us so much that he gave his life and suffered for our sins that we might be able to have eternal life. But there is more, so much more. So please, if you want to know more, go to Mormon.org, or you can click on I Believe or My Faith, either will take you to Mormon.org and you can learn more.

Life Is Hard, But Worth It...

2011-09-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

So the last five years have been hard ones for our large family. I have four sisters, two older and two younger, and four brothers, all older. All four of my brothers are married and have children, and one of my older sisters is married. I have been through two very difficult deployments, one of my brothers is Navy and was deployed at the same time as my husband. It was a first for his family to go through a year long deployment, they were used to six month stints on ship. One of our deployments was 15 months and the other 12 months. Dean missed daddy and really struggled, I just wanted him home safe. I understood why he was doing what he was doing. More than I think than most of my friends did when their husbands left (well outside of the church). During that time I missed my sister get married (my husband just came home and I talked to her about it, we agreed I needed to be with him). That was hard for me, my brother-in-law is fantastic and you could see the love that he had for my sister. Not even a year later, she passed away from cancer, barely missing their anniversary by 10 days, her birthday by four days. It rocked my large little family to the core. We all miss her dearly. Shortly after that, my mother's health (who had been battling her own cancer for around 13 years) started to get worse. She was a breast cancer survivor on top of the other cancer she was fighting. My mother was a fighter. She made it another two years, and missed her birthday by 20 days. This was another blow to our large little family. Our mother was the core to our family with our dad, they were married for almost 50 years, and their faith and love for each other and the church is so strong. We are an eternal family because of them. We grew up with the greatest example of love and trust in our home. We never doubted our parents love for each other, what a comfort that is and was as children. I know that is what I strive to show my son in my marriage today, trust and love and faith in the gospel. To top it all off, we are still trying to stabilize Dean. He still struggles at home. School is going well. He is getting good grades and has friends now. At times that is a tad shaky but the ones that he does have that are close, they are boulders in his life. Unmoving and constant. He took grandma passing really hard. He is very close to my parents. They were there for us in a huge way after my divorce from my first husband. My dad babysat to ease my finances, which allowed for a different relationship with him than they had with their other grandchildren. My dad might deny it, but I have witnesses, lol, to this change. He is special to them, especially my dad. Losing grandma upset Dean in a big way. I have yet to see him really deal with it, which worries me. With my sister, he cried more. I hope to see some emotions soon, or I will be more worried.

So you might be asking, what is with the title. Yes, life is hard, but it is worth it. There is a quote in my church that has our Savior attached to it: "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it". So yes while life is hard, it is always worth it to Endure to the End. I want to be an eternal family, to see my grandma, my mother, the grandparents that I have never met, all of them, my sister. I love them all and strive to do my best to be a good person and follow the gospel the way my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, my Savior, want me to. That alone, with the knowledge of what follows with the Second Coming is what makes this life worth it. While my heart aches for those I have lost, which includes the loss of my grandmother in 1997, I know that I will see them again and that I will spend eternity with them and my husband and my son. So yes, hard but worth it.

New Addition to the Family...

2011-06-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

So we have a new addition to our little family. A friend of ours moved closer to his school after getting out of the military and to his kids, but could only keep on of his dogs. So there was no decision, he kept his dog Boon, who he has had for almost three years. Cutest thing you have ever seen, Boon is a well behaved boy. But he wanted a good home for his little female, who is six months. Gerry and I agreed we would take her, ensuring that she would go to a loving family, who loves dogs. She is just a lover! She cuddles, handles our beastly puppy Legend well when they play, he is a bit of a rough houser! She is just gorgeous and fits right in! Legend is a character as well. Smart and funny, we have had him for three years. His tricks are numerous: Bow, Sit, Lay Down, Shake (both paw, or hands as we call them), Up, Stand Up, Whisper and Speak. Baby Girl (her name was Faith, but she didn't answer to it), is learning from him is a character in her own right. She loves her belly to be rubbed and when meeting you that is the first thing she offers you. She loves to sleep on her back with her head stretched out, when she wants you to play with her or give her attention she slaps at you with her paws, cute, cute. She has the biggest doe eyes, beautiful! Her and Legend both sleep with me when I need to lay down to sleep off a migraine (Legend senses when they are coming on and refuses to leave my side, what a dog!). They both just love! Legend is Gerry's dog in his own right and Baby Girl has become mine in her own right, they pick their person. On another note, Silver had to go, she was doing things in the house that we could not tolerate (like using the bathroom outside of her litter box and in our bed), so we asked a friend to find her a good home. He has some friends that love cats and need them to control the mouse issues that they have in their barn. She is healthy and happy. Here are some pictures of our babies:

Baby Girl: Pretty In Pink

Legend Getting Some Sun

Legend Waiting for Us to Come Home

Legend and Baby Girl Cuddling

Baby Girl Stretching Out On The Bed

Home Again...

2011-06-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

Dean came home last month. After all his visits outside of the hospital went so well, they released him from the hospital. He is doing great. We have had a few problems, but we expect them. The major problems have been almost one month in between each other, which is much better than it was before. Since he has come home, he has received the Aaronic Priesthood, his first assignment (which was to pass the sacrament for a small group that cannot make it to church Sunday's and he did this by himself). He also has gone on his first hike for scouts as a twelve year old. He was gone for three days, and had a blast, even though his pack was too heavy and he had been sunburned from not listening to mom and put on sunscreen like he was supposed to. School got out a few weeks ago, and he he did very well for the last few quarters, he pulled his grades up tremendously from what they were in fifth grade and before he left for the hospital. He will be participating in a summer tutoring program that the school runs every summer for extra help with language arts and math per recommendations of the teacher he had at the hospital (she was an excellent teacher, so we really took this to heart). He will be doing this for four weeks and will be gone for half days. I wish I could help him, but I am no good at math. He also needs the socialization that is offered by public schools with his peers. We are very proud of how he is doing!
Gerry is working on his retirement and is now seeing a doctor for his back. Thank goodness, it has gotten to where he is in constant pain and the TMC just wants to put him on pain medication and really do nothing to treat or figure out what is truly going on with it to help relieve the pain. There needs to be some serious changes to the way soldiers are taken care of by the Army, instead of throw them on pills and say they are fit for duty. He has turned in his retirement packet and to my relief, people higher up are looking into the mission he helped successfully lead as NCOIC as MSP to help others be successful in theirs who got medals, they deserved one as well, but his then chain of command did nothing to follow through. I also found out the paperwork will go to his General, who could look into it further. This has been a major thorn in my side concerning his service here, Gerry is an exemplary soldier but has failed to be recognized for this while we have been here. He has a clean service record, takes care of his soldiers, is a good NCO, takes the NCO creed, soldiers creed and all that seriously, he is very old school Army. Almost twenty years in the military will do that, he has seen changes come about that he is not to thrilled about. He is ready for retirement, and I think we are, too. I am ready for a home of my own, and Dean is ready to stop moving around, and for his friends to stop moving around.
I am doing much better as well. I am finally seeing a neurologist for my migraines. The medication he has me on is really helping. Not only that, but the preventative is helping me loose weight, something that has been alluding me here. Since moving here, my health problems have caused my weight to balloon up. I have now lost weight enough that I do not have to twist my wedding rights off anymore and my pants are getting loose. I love it! Hopefully I can start loosing enough to start feeling well enough to exercise. My house is starting to come to order again, not that it was bad and horrible, but it was not up to my usual standard of organization. My kitchen is immaculate once again, all the time, not just when I do not have a migraine and I am baking more frequently once again, something I had stopped doing almost altogether. As far as the food changes with the medication, I just hate food right now. If it is cooked in grease or it's own fat, I cannot stand it, it tastes like grease, YUCK! Sweets are just not that appealing, so if I am craving something sweet, I only get a few bites then I am done, and I only eat about 1/4 of my previous servings which was never that big in the first place, unless I was at a church function, then I indulged myself a bit too much, lol. I love fruit and vegetables even more and they are about the only things I can really eat right now. I am loving fruit salads! Mayonnaise is particularly disgusting to me, as well, so no tuna sandwiches, and I am struggling with finding ways that I can just eat meat period. I am no longer drinking soda, it tastes like carbonated cough syrup, so gross, so water for me please. Dairy is yummy as well. Cheese, milk, eggs, yum! I think I am getting all my protein from peanut butter and eggs.
That is all for now! Enjoy!

Day Pass and More...

2011-02-19T17:31:00.000-08:00

We are in Savannah once again, and thanks goes out the wonderful LDS Family that have opened their home to us once again. It is wonderful that we have a roof over our heads and the relief of the potential finical strain that we thought we were going to face. This time our trip consisted of taking Dean out for the day (Friday). We realized this trip needed to have some clothes and shoes shopping done to provide Dean with some better fitting clothes. He is getting tall, and needed new shoes after the ones that we brought for him when we admitted him fell apart about two weeks ago. We had a wonderful day. It started with lunch at the Macaroni Grill, Dean is a huge fan of pasta of all kinds. We all had an Italian Soda, mine was Black Berry, Dean's Peach, and Gerry had Raspberry. When the waitress brought them to us, we each tried ours, then passed them around so we could each take a drink to taste the others. They were all really good. After lunch, we went inside the mall and did some clothes shopping. Dean got some really cool Iron Man shoes (red and gold for his latest movie). He also got a really nice Superman sweatshirt, among several other items. Gerry and I got a few things, as well. I needed a new shirt, since I got marina sauce on mine during lunch, the white shirt is still being treated as we speak, needless to say, I was not happy about this little mishap. We had already dropped off our bags, so I had no clean shirt that I could just grab out of the car and change into in the store. After shopping we headed to Regal Cinemas for a movie. I Am Number Four just came out yesterday and it is the type of movie that Dean enjoys. We all enjoyed it very much, and continued to talk about it tonight at our visit over dinner of Chik-Fil-A. By the by, best strawberry shakes EVER! We had a very good visit overall and Dean got to make some phone calls to his grandma's and some of his aunties.
I have started a new class, barely passed my last one, but passed none the less. This new instructor is demanding, she has a doctorates. But I did well in my first week, just have to work harder than I usually do, which is a lot. I have my GACE testing this upcoming Wednesday. I am a bit nervous, but I am getting tutoring for my math portion, and I have actually retained some of what she taught me last time. I must drive to Albany and Gerry cannot come with me. He was just made Section SGT of water company, and they are already demanding more of his time than usual. This of course makes me unhappy, he is a grouch at the end of the day and usually has a migraine because he had to skip lunch to get everything done that they want him to. My feelings on the matter are if they think it is important enough for them to take time out of their day for lunch, then he should be allowed to eat as well, ridiculous! No one deserves to be treated this way. I have a feeling it will be a long year, since he retires next year. I am looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel already!

Church callings, grades and more....

2011-02-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

Well, a couple of months ago, Gerry was called to be the Elders Quorum. The only Sunday he does not teach is the one where we visit Dean, and I think Fast Sundays, not really sure what his schedule is. Last month, I was called and asked to sub for the Relief Society, my lesson, Fasting. I had fun planning it and searching for information on the topic and really felt inspired as to the direction of the topic. I found a great talk called Fasting: A Principle of Power by Elder Bowen of the Seventy, and a lesson in the Relief Society manuals (I believe it was A). I was soooo nervous, teaching adults is nerve wracking, I prefer teaching children, hence being a teacher in the near future if I can keep my grades up. Well, I guess my lesson went better than I expected, because the Sunday following our trip to Savannah, I was asked to be a Relief Society Teacher. My first official lesson will be next Sunday on Work and Personal Responsibility.

Dean got his grades this week, and I received his report card in the mail. He is doing great in school there! He got all 85's on it, all B's! We are so proud of him. He was receiving mostly A's right before Gerry deployed last, and had three B's, so the potential to bring them up to a better grade is there, he is a very smart child, just needs to apply himself to get there, which was part of our problem, he did not want to try for the grades. He is doing great, and we are seeing some of his usual behavior. He is beginning to argue with everything, normal, and has gotten mad a few times, but only to become upset enough to be upset, not angry. We will see.

I am doing well in school, do not like this instructor. I have been unable to start my observations, and I am waiting for paperwork to go through on post. I have asked for a replacement assignments in lieu of this, but she just told me to get them in when I was able to get the observations done. I am on my last week, and not really sure what to do. I am going to send her another message and hope that my offer for a replacement paper will work. We shall see, I do not want a zero, but if she does not allow this, then I do not know what I will do. I have a C, and think I brought the grade up with week four. She is not an easy instructor and does not give credit for some things. I had some posts that met her word count for the initial discussion questions, but she did not give me credit. Do not like that. I have worked harder in this class than any of my classmates. I get frustrated when I do not see something as fair, but have no control over it.

Dean...

2011-01-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I realized I was due for a post. Things have been interesting to say the least since Gerry returned home. We are in our final transition as a military family, unless he changes his mind, but I doubt it. Gerry will be retiring next year in March with 20 years under his belt in the Army. He has led a very proud, if you ask me anyway, military career. He has no article 15's, is all about taking care of his soldiers and be the best NCO that he can be. He wears his uniform with pride, and loves serving his country. During this transition he will be putting in paperwork for Arizona's Troops To Teachers, and work on becoming an Elementary School Teacher. From one proud career to another, he will do great. I am not really sure how I feel about his retirement, a little uncertain, I know this, but if it is what he wants, then I support him.

I have started school again, have many many deadlines ahead of me, hopefully I meet them without another leave of absence, but we shall see. The Bachelors of Science in Elementary Education is not an easy task, there is so much to be done, but with only one class, it makes my time easier to spread around for all those things. I am doing well, getting good grades, and look forward to the end, but it is far from site, for right now.

Now, on to our Littleman, who is not so little anymore. After long discussions and a difficult month or so after Gerry's homecoming, we prayed and prayed and prayed, we decided to admit Dean into a Rehabilitation Center to receive better help and treatment for his Bipolar disorder. He has been so angry, and just cannot cope with those upsetting feelings well. He took his admittance very well, which surprised and relieved us greatly. He is doing well, but has only had a few melt downs and not what we need. For him to cope and learn to recognize those feelings he needs to really melt down. After a tumultuous family session yesterday I was left drained and Dean left worried about mom. He knew I was upset, but we do our sessions over the phone due to the distance of this facility he is in. My family and Gerry's mom and step-dad have been wonderfully supportive. I do not know about his other siblings, but I do know that Dean's biological father found out sooner than we wanted him to, I wanted to wait until Dean was settled before they began to push him into going to live with them in Wyoming. Dean, however (again surprising us), took the news in stride that they were trying to reach him and put his foot down and said he would not talk to his dad. He is becoming very strong, and despite their rudeness to me and their placing blame on me, he is firm so far that he needs help and wants to stay with mom and daddy. Our visits are once a month due to the distance, but they are enjoyable and the facility allows so much. We get to take board games, food and drink in with us to visit and it helps pass the time away to be extremely enjoyable. Therapy is slow going, but hopefully after yesterday, they will push a bit harder for the desired results, a child that can cope and is much healthier. Our prayers a fervent in this direction.

Home At Last...

2010-11-02T11:44:00.001-07:00

Gerry finally made it home. He beat his mom, we picked her up the day after he flew in, but all is well, we had a pretty good visit. The last bit of his deployment was not without its drama, however. The dryer broke, I had had some issues with the washer as well, so we decided to replace them and got a loan so I could buy me a beautiful front loader washer and dryer set. They are energy efficient, and I just love them, never had brand new before. In that time while waiting for approval for the loan, I got three weeks behind on laundry, so mom and I did laundry while Gerry was doing his half days at work. We went shopping a few times, and had some wonderful conversations. I was honest with her that I was jealous of Gerry's sisters-in-laws for getting to spend time with her where I had only talk to her on the phone. It was wonderful to get to know her better. She is a wonderful women, raised a good man, and I love her for that. Gerry has told me that I am the only daughter-in-law that she has ever liked that he has married, lol, guess it is true, third times the charm.

Dean is not really doing so well, however. He has made some improvements, the change in his medications has made a small difference. He is no longer out there like he was while on the Zoloft, but we are still having problems. We are taking steps to get him further help and after the last three weeks, have finally made some strides to that. Waiting on insurance is a pain in the butt, but we have heard from our therapist (Dean and I have the same one), and are just waiting on a final phone call to let us know when we take him in. It has been a difficult decision to make, and I am terrified of the outcome with his biological father, that part will most likely get ugly. Dean is still refusing to talk to him, which is good, he is always angry after those conversations and makes life more difficult for us afterwards. I do not know what he says to Dean, but it must trigger something or he says something to upset him or scare him in someway. Only one more month and Dean has the legal right to say no more, even though he has already said it anyway.

I am doing well in my classes, do not like the team work that we have to do. I hate giving someone complete control over my grade. The last few classes has been a nightmare for team work, and the new class seems to be no better. One classmate has already decided she is a martyr and she is the only doing her part, I cannot stand that kind of attitude, especially since the only reason I was not able to get into the class right away one morning was computer issues. I am waiting on a phone call from one of the schools on base to do an observation, hope I hear soon, we have an assignment due Monday and I want my part turned in early. We are moving this week!

Post housing has heard reason: that it is unacceptable for anyone to live in a home that is falling apart! We looked at two last week, got our pick and have a new home. It does have more room, a separate dinning room that is joined to the kitchen, two bathrooms, only one with a shower, but I am not complaining. The doors are much nicer than the ones that we have now, and they shut and open with no problems, yay! We have to fence in the yard ourselves, but oh well, Legend will still have a yard. I look forward to actually hanging things up, we have more wall space. The living room is huge, nice! It will be a nice change of pace compared to what we have now.

I forgot to add that we have a new edition to our family, over the summer I adopted a kitty, Silver is her new name. She is not a people person, but what cat is. She does, however, love Gerry and has taken to him much faster than she has to me and she really doesn't like Dean. The good thing is that Silver and Legend love each other. They play well, she cleans him, poor thing has serious hair ball issues from it, but it is cute to watch. And, after setting some boundaries, she has figured out he is the pooch in charge, not the other way around. It took her some adjusting to get used to him, but they do well now.

Starting over...

2010-09-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

The last blog that I wrote was a while ago, after Christmas for that matter. Well, a lot has taken place. My husband is still deployed, but will be coming home soon. It has been a long year for all three of us, but one of growth, also. Dean has started the sixth grade, and is loving it. I talked to his teacher this week, who loves having him in class and said that Dean is always wanting to help him in class. Love hearing those words. We are reaching a point in his treatment for his bi-polar that will hopefully show some major changes. He is coming off of his Zoloft, which we found and have learned is not user friendly with his mood stabilizers. I have graduated with an associates in arts for elementary education and have moved on to my bachelors program. Only eleven years in the making, but I am happy to say that I am proud of my achievement. I got good grades and kept them up. I have finished my first class and have started out with an A-. Both my husband and I have decided that teaching is our calling, but he will be done before I am. I will be done after three and a half years, since I am working towards a masters degree.
For Gerry's home coming I have been working on a great surprise for my hero. I am flying his mother down to Georgia to hopefully be here in time for his homecoming flight, so she can be there when he comes off the plane. Eight years was the last time they saw each other and I am excited to have this homecoming to look forward to her being here, and giving them both a wonderful gift. I intend on recording it for their enjoyment, so I will post it when I get it done.
More later....

Christmas is Over, Time to Move on to Life...

2010-01-20T05:22:00.000-08:00

Last month was great! And, not so great! After visiting my parents in Arizona, I remembered why I do not visit for more than a week. It was nice to see them and to see that my dad is doing better than I thought. My parents are working on getting him into a twenty day rehab at a hospital there to do physical therapy so that he can use his own legs again and not be confined to a wheel chair. Here's hoping that this works out sooner rather than later. Mom is starting a new kind of therapy for her cancer. This is a new medicine that has been used in Europe for some time, and since she did not respond so hot to the kemo in May last year, this is the only route that she is willing to try.
It was great to see Gerry last month. But it stinks at the same time. We now have ten months left until he comes home from his deployment. That is going to be a long stretch that will probably be extremely difficult for Dean and I. I especially feel that I will need his support come May. I am already feeling the crushing weight of what is coming for that month. I am not certain that I will even celebrate my birthday this year, just don't feel that it is something I can do. It almost terrifies me to think about May and how I will take it being just a year later since my sister passed.
Dean is doing better in someways, and not so great in others. He is still very angry with Gerry for deploying. I have come to the conclusion that he may not understand that daddy cannot tell the Army, "No, I am not deploying, I want to stay home with my family." If he were to do that, he would be in big trouble, but I just don't think Dean understands that. It might be something that I or Gerry would have to explain. If Gerry had that choice, he would most defiantly say, "I am staying here to serve on Rear-D and be with my family". Gerry loves Dean dearly, and hates to spend time away from him. Not to mention that he loves me, too, and would rather be here at home than there in Iraq fighting a war.
We are starting a new thing in therapy where Dean and I are going to work on communication skills, and other things together. I am very frustrated that he will not help keep the house clean, and have begun to feel like a maid or servant for him, which I REFUSE to continue to let happen. So after talking to our therapist, we have decided to share our time with her to work through this so that Dean understands that he can clean the house and help out and not make mommy feel unappreciated. Lets see how well this works.
I am struggling getting back into full swing with life, school, and other....not sure what other is, but I have many things going on right now, almost overwhelmed. After realizing just how overwhelmed, I have decided that when I get my Associates Degree I want the school to start my bachelor program in August, to give me a two month break, so that I do not burn out on school. Hopefully they will be receptive to this and do just that.
I have been waiting patiently for my referral for my lab band surgery but to no avail. I must call the doctor's office and see if it was submitted. I have also been putting off seeing my psychiatrist, but that is just because I forget to make the appointment when I am there. I have not been sleeping so great since coming home, but that is partly because I ran out of my medication to help me fall asleep and stay that way. I am also out of the medication that we decided on to treat my bi-polar symptoms that have been a problem since my sister passed away in May last year. Must remember to do that on Friday when we go in for our appointment with our therapist.

A Certain Kind of Surprise Kind of Fun...

2010-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

Dean and I flew to Arizona to visit my parents in Surprise, yes Surprise, right outside of Phoenix. While we were there we got to see tons of interesting wild life that you can see here, and some that you cannot see here. Being the Blondie that I am, I forgot our cameras. There were tons of ducks, geese and even a few swans. Lots of rabbits and different little birds that are native to Arizona. The community that my parents live in is full of these, so needless to say, there are lots of coyotes and foxes. On one of the last days there, actually it might have been the day after Gerry flew back to Kuwait to head to Iraq, Dean came running inside saying there was this gray thing on the wall and that I needed to check it out. He didn't know what it was and was really dying to know. So I head out the sliding back doors and start looking at my parents privacy cement wall and I really couldn't see anything. I was about to tell him that it must be gone or that he was seeing things (what a great mother am I), and there it was, a little baby kit fox. Needless to say, none of us got our cameras in time before this little pup decided enough was enough and that too many people were looking at him. So he jumped down and ran off, we didn't even get enough time to get dad rolled to the door to check out this little guy.

New Year....

2010-01-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it has been a few months since I have been on here, shame on me. Things have been moving along, and I have been staying busy with Cub Scouts, migraines, Dean and holiday's. I wound up cooking Thanksgiving and just doing two chickens, but they were good. It was nice to start a new tradition, that I really decided we needed. We all had to share what we were thankful for in this world that we live in. Mine was my family, a husband who loves his country enough to defend it for his family and friends, my son who is working hard to be a better person, and that my parents have good doctors and a sister who has taken the time out of her life to help take care of dad. So many more, but these are the most important.
Gerry has now been deployed for three months, and has already had his R&R. I will admit, I was bummed and a little more than upset that he was already sent home for it, but Dean was thrilled that Daddy got to be home for his 11th birthday and for Christmas. He left on our third anniversary, and wound up stranded in Dallas because of bad weather and a plane that could not leave Ireland because it broke down. Thank goodness it was not while it was in the air. We were both a little apprehensive about getting back on a plane after the terrorism that took place on Christmas Day. What a scary thing, and thank goodness that our Heavenly Father gave the passengers the strength to prevent a tragedy, they deserve a medal for saving so many lives. Gerry wound up leaving the very next day and made it to Kuwait last night. He called me to let me know that he was safe, and that he was finding out shortly when he would be headed back to Iraq. Needless to say, he is back in Iraq and it will be another ten months before we get to see him again.
It was a good trip to see my parents. My dad is doing much better than I feared, but I found some of his walking problem is in his head. They are trying to get him into a rehab program that will last twenty days. He does dialisis three days a week, and is loosing the water weight from the family reunion that he put in very slowly. My mom is not doing so great, while there she got a massive bruise on her arm from trying to adjust my dad in his wheelchair, but her doctor is willing to try another treatment for her cancer with a relatively new medicine from Europe. As good as it was to see them and get to spend time away from here, it was much better coming home. I do not care if you are sleeping in a bed while you are on vacation at someone's house, it is always good to come home and get in your own bed. I do, however, have to unpack and clean up the mess that was made as we walked in the house after nine at night, and found that as we were starving and trying to order food, that all delivery restaurents were closed and we had to turn around and get in the car to go to the gas station to get something to eat. We were up very late, needless to say. Dean and I decided curl up in my bed to ring in the rest of the new year and watch the movie that I got Gerry and him for Christmas, GI Joe. After falling asleep watching it, I got kicked out of bed by both Dean and the family dog, Legend at around four this morning. Loving being home!
It was a long 2009. After moving on post, having surgery, losing a sister, being terribly sick all summer, and numerous other trials, the Kings are ready to start this year anew. We are praying for some peace in our lives, and mostly for some peace in Dean's. His therapy is going well, but as with most Bi-Polar children, he still has his days where he struggles. His therapist is a wonderful one. She has started making some difference. We do have some hope to stop the visits to his dad's, but it will take much prayer on our parts that it works out for him. He does not want to go, but may not be able to stop it until he is 12 or 14, depends on the state of Wyoming and the age the courts say he has a voice. I disagree with this fact. I have done my best to raise him with a voice on what he wants, and feel that if he can speak them, knowing the things that will come with it, then he should have that right. I am really hoping and praying it is 12, just have to finish checking into it.
We have a new member to our family, as my beloved nephew John decided to marry his sweetheart on Christmas day. We were not expecting them to marry until October, but certain issues and other things, like her not wanting to wait to be his wife after a year of dating and knowing he is the one for her, made them decide to marry sooner. She is a lovely women, and I am proud to call her niece.
I was finally able to make it into the doctor in November to discuss having Lab Band Surgery. The doctor was unsure of a few things so we made an additional appointment after ordering fasting blood tests to be done. The results were not so great. I am in the beginning stages of diabetes. That kind of scared me, and worried the doctor, since it is most likely directly related to my weight. So, needless to say, I do qualify with my BMI and the fact that other health problems are being caused that are directly related to my weight. So he put in the referal, and I am just waiting for that to come in the mail. I stopped mail from being delivered while I was out of town for Christmas, so I am hoping it is waiting for me at the post office. The actual surgery is going to take about a month to be scheduled, just have to meet with the surgeon first. Kind of excited and apprehensive all at once. Who would actually volunteer to have surgery? I know that it will life changing and help me keep weight off, instead of losing and gaining constantly, or just gaining like I have been for the last year. We are also really hoping and praying that this will help solve the fertiltiy problems that we are having, but we are also looking into adoption and have a plan put in place to start saving for the legal fees and hope to have them saved by the end of the year! Here's Hoping!!!

Dean....

2009-10-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

So we are working with a new therapist with Dean to help him get through life, I guess you would say. He has been really struggling for the last few weeks. Especially as it gets closer to Gerry's deployment. The list that he made up has worked wonders so far, but he still has his moments. Last week we had a great week, no real outbursts and he did not lose his temper like normal. This week has been more of a struggle but I think I have found another way to help him. Every night at bed time he starts to come up with excuses to not go to bed, he is hungry, or wants a hot bath to help him relax. To combat these excuses, he has to eat dinner with us, which he has been making excuses not to, and if he is still hungry he can have a snack about eight- eight thirty. The bath thing, he takes that around seven o'clock to seven thirty. Then we will go to his room and I will read to him out of the book of choice, which is currently the second book in the Inheritance Series. He loved the Eragon movie and I bought him both books in paperback when they finally came out in paperback. So far so good. The punishment that his therapist came up with is working really good. He gets his lizards taken away if he loses his temper and hits dad or myself. Now if I can just get him to do all his homework and behave at school. He has started to struggle there. I am hoping this is just a reaction to the upcoming deployment and that he will do better, but we will have to wait and see. I am signing him up for wrestling this month, which will make uncles and one cousin very happy, not to mention grandpa. We will see if that will help him with some of his problems. He is very active otherwise, but I am hoping that learning the focus of wrestling will help him more. Cooking lessons are going great, he loves his new cookbook and I have found a great recipe for sherbert on the Relief Society blog that I think he will like since he loves sherbert.

Update...

2009-09-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

So for those of who have been following this and for my sanity, I went to the doctor today for more blood tests and another ultra-sound. Good news and bad news. Good news, I have six eggs ready, bad news, they are on the side that does not work anymore. I am alittle disappointed, since this was our last chance to try before Gerry leaves for a year. I am trying to look at the bright side of things. I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor, have the much put off yearly check up and talk to him about getting the lap band done since I am almost a hundred pounds overweight and just work on losing the weight while Gerry is in Iraq. Maybe with the added pounds off, we will have a better chance of having more children. I am also going to look into adoption, so if any of you have advice or can just talk to me about it, it would be great.

Fertility Update...

2009-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I just finished the first round of fertility and had a pregnancy test today. It came back negative. I am a little crushed, not really taking the news well. I had several friends all want me to call them with the news, but I have no urge to see or talk to anyone. It is frustrating when you want something so bad, and things are going well, doctors and nurses are encouraged by the results they are getting and nothing comes of it. So, once again, on day three, I will be starting the clomid to get more help. Not really looking forward to the hormones, but I want this. I know that I am ment to have more children, my family is just not complete. There are children up there with Heavenly Father and the rest of my family that are waiting for us. Going to cry, so leaving it there.

Things to Remember before an Upcoming Deployment...

2009-08-31T04:43:00.000-07:00

As I lay down trying to sleep last night, I was thinking of a few things that are important to remember to do before your loved one leaves. In the mad rush to get all the gear packed, buy everything they need, and all the other endless lists of things they need to do before it is time to board the plane to leave, some of the most important things are forgotten. I feel these are the most important things that we need to remember, so I am going to share them.

1. Always remember to say "I Love You" several times a day, after every phone call, before leaving for work in the morning, before going to bed at night to your loved ones.

2. Take time out of that busy schedule on the weekends or during vacation at watch your wife's favorite chick flick or favorite shows on television.

3. Drop everything an play outside with your child/children or play a video game or watch a movie of their choice.

4. Spend a weekend curled up on the couch with your family reading, watching movies, eating popcorn, going for bike rides, maybe even see that movie that you have been wanting to see all summer/winter/fall/spring.

If you do these things it will remind your family that you love them dearly, that they are still the most important thing in the world. It will also give them some great memories while you are gone to last them until you come home for R&R. Nothing should be more important than forging more memories for the family to share. I am sure there are more and as I think of them, I will share them here.

Update on Fertility Treatment...

2009-08-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Things are looking good so far. Sunday I went in to the doctors office after a good ultra sound on Friday. I had three eggs ready. Such great news, and it fit with Gerry's three thing, will explain later, but it caused him to have funny dreams Friday after teasing him about it that afternoon. Sunday I did my Ovedril shot, which just reaffirmed my hormones are evil opinion. I was so sick Sunday afternoon that I could not do my homework and wound up going to bed at six, way early for me. They told me that everything looked great, I was responding to my hormone treatments very well. I made an appointment to see them today at nine. The ultrasound once again was great. I had released all my eggs. I start progesterone today to help my uterus and go back for a pregnancy test in 12 days. All is looking very well.

Okay back to Gerry's three thing. Three is a very important number in his life. It is his favorite number (don't understand that one, as I do not have a favorite number), Dale Earnhardt Sr. drove the number three car and was and still is his favorite driver for NASCAR. I am Gerry third wife, we always joke that third time the charm, and he has had three religions in his life, again third time the charm. So after telling Gerry that I had three good eggs and was ready for ovulation, he had very strange dreams. He dreamed of threes all night long. The number three floating around, three girls, three boys, three houses, and three cars. Needless to say, he did not sleep well that night. I thought it was funny. We are very excited and hope this first treatment works, but are trying not to be too optimistic. We know that it is rare for the first one to work. We have one good month, maybe two, depending on when he leaves for Iraq in October. Dean is the more excited of the three of us. He cannot wait to have siblings.

Preparing for Deployment...

2009-08-20T11:28:00.001-07:00

As I already mentioned, Gerry is getting ready for another deployment to Iraq. It is never easy, there is much to get done and we only just started. He has to pack his gear, get new get, pack his tuff boxes and much more. We also have to get power of attorney in place so that I can do taxes while he is gone and heaven forbid any other legal issues that he might need while he is gone. This will be his 5th deployment since 2001, and sixth over all. For those that do not know Gerry that well, he was there in the 90's for Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm. Deployments are never easy, especially for the children that are left behind with mommy or daddy that wonder where the other parent is and if they will be coming home. It never gets easier as they get older, either. This deployment may be our most difficult yet, as I might be pregnant while he is gone. I will be honest, it terrifies me that he will not be here if I am pregnant while he is gone. But, we want to start our family and looming medical issues make it important that we get pregnant as soon as possible. I am grateful that I have a wonderful son that loves to look after mommy when she doesn't feel good, lol, if you could call it that. He sometimes leaves me a bigger mess than before I wasn't feeling well, but he does try. Since he is getting older, we are trying to give him more responsibility in the home, like dishes, laundry (I started my own when I was tall enough to reach the dials, needless to say, he is starting his sooner than I did), and taking care of the dog's food. We will see what happens after deployment takes place.

One thing that military families face is a change in family dynamics. Things get tense as the deployment gets closer. I am sure that it is never intentional, and it may not happen in most families, but it does in mine. Gerry is very new to the church, despite feeling like an old soul that is finally back where he belongs, things are still hard for him at times. He tends to push us away as it gets closer, I don't know if this makes things easier for him to leave, but it is hard to bear at times. I remind him that we love him, and point out his subconscious pushing us away.

This post has been in the works for a couple of months now. Gerry has gotten his flight date. He leaves the 14th of October, which is a Wed. It is two weeks away. So much to get done, little time to do it. We are trying to spend as much time together alone and with Dean and so that he and Dean have some alone time together. One of my best friends here, I just love her to death, is Becky Hairr. She was a military child while growing up and she gave me some great advice. Since Dean is bi-polar and ADHD she suggested us to have Dean do what her mom had her do. So Dean has complied a list of five things that he wants to do with Dad and some of them include myself. He learned to grill tonight, dinner was great, I loved it. It was just cheeseburgers, but they were delicious, so just cheeseburgers is one that I will take any day if this is a prelude to his cooking in the future. We have a Wii day, where it is mostly him and Gerry, with me alittle bit, but I don't mind. Movie date, almost got excluded from that one, but he was kind and let me join them. They will go bowling together, just the two of them. He also scheduled a bike ride just the two of them. He has complete control over this list and picked grilling for his first. So far, he has had the best day in a long while.

As for me, there will be no pregnancy while Gerry is gone. Hopefully some weight loss with the help of the lap band. I tried to schedule my appointment for my checkup, but my doctor is full right now. I am also going to start researching adoption, since there is more at play than just the effects of my cervical cancer and the fibroids that I had removed in April. I started watching this reality show called The Locator and it has totally won my heart over to adoption. Finally a reality show worth having on TV. For those that do not know my opinion of reality shows, I think they stink! A waste of good TV time for something else that would be worth watching. Oh well, at least there is one. If you get the chance to catch it, do so. The guy reunites people who have been adopted, separated or other similar situations. Every single one had me in tears.

The next year will be hard, but I am hoping it is better than our last. 2007 was difficult. Two car accidents, son in the hospital, loneliness, and other struggles. I am determined to strengthen my friendships here while he is gone. Try to get out of the house more, I am too homely for my own good. These are my goals for the next year. I am hoping my dear friends here will help me in my efforts. I will continue school, almost have my associates degree. That will be June, only five more classes left. Then straight into my bachelors program. I look forward to getting it all done. With my associates I might be able to sub, think I will give it a try here when I have it. I love the classroom so much and look forward to finishing my degree.

Update about me...

2009-08-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know that I already posted today, but many of you that I have invited to view this blog have not heard from me in sometime. I recently remarried, well kind of recently. We have been married for almost three years. I met him while I was still in Rawlins, Wyoming and it was love at first site for both of us. Yes, it does exist. He loves Dean and Dean loves him, so I was truly blessed. He serves his country proudly and has been on many deployments since 2001. We started dating in 2005 while he was deployed, so I walked into our life together with my eyes wide open prepared for the emotional and mental struggles that I would face as a wife of a soldier and for the struggles that Dean would face with his Daddy being gone. It is not always easy, but I am a firm believer of the old saying: "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." I am going back to school to get my degree in education and serve a couple of callings in church. I am the traveling Family History Consultant and the Cub Master for Dean's Cub Scout Troop, the last one still makes me laugh. I am learning as I go, but love working with the boys and the leaders for the Den that I have. I love my ward here. Dean wanted to get baptized when he turned eight, so I started going back to church with him and while taking the discussions, Gerry sat in on them with us and found himself getting more and more interested. He decided two weeks before deploying in 2007 that he wanted to join. He had somethings to work out before that, so he just devoted himself to going to church on Sundays and continued to learn from the Elders that had come into our lives. They will forever hold a special place in our hearts and we love them very dearly. He was deployed for 15 months in 2007-2008, it was hard, we cried much, laughed a little but learned to love more deeply. Dean really struggled, but I had some wonderful support here in my ward. It is by largely, a military ward, so they know what kind of support the families that are left behind need. I shared the 4th of July with a good friend and her children while I was alone in 2007 for the summer, Dean being in Wyoming visiting his dad, and had Thanksgiving with the same family, who lovingly welcomed us into their home. It was a wonderful dinner, great food, great company, what more could you ask for? Gerry came home in May of 2008 and started taking the discussions again. He had made strides with the things he felt he needed to take care of before entering the waters of baptism and set his date for when my parents could come down so that Dad could do the honors. In August on teh 17th 2008, he became a member of the church. He was confirmed the sameday and received the priesthood the following Sunday with instructions to prepare himself to receive the higher priesthood in three months. Sure enough that is what took place. He received a calling in Scouts as the Webelo Leader along with myself and to be primary teachers. Not long after that though, he was released and called to be Ward Mission Leader and is doing a great job. The Elders love working with him and he is very devoted in insuring that investigators are having their needs met. Dean is doing great, with a few hang ups, but such is life for a growing boy. He loves the fifth grade so far, I know, it is hard to believe that he is that old. He is getting tall, and smarter by the day. He loves scouts and is working hard to be finished with Webelos before his 11th birthday. He loves our dog, who is a big puppy that thinks he is a lap dog. He is constantly suprising me and doing things that I would not expect of a boy his age. He offers to help neighbors when he sees it, befriends those that are not always liked by others for being different. He is so great with little kids and even more so with babies. I am so proud of him. I have already updated as much as I can about me, but will work hard to keep all up to date about new things. Gerry is deploying again this year and will likely be leaving in a couple of month.

New Start...

2009-08-19T11:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I already have another blog, but I have since decided that I would try again. Only this one will be for myself and my family. I have a wonderful husband who is in the army and a great son that will be 11 in Decemeber. We have lately been faced with many obstacles, but we are pulling together with the help of our wonderful Heavenly Father and through each other to make it through them. I lost a beautiful sister in May, have faced my parents continueing health problems, and my son's disorders that periodically send us to the ER or to another medical institution to continue getting him the help he so dearly needs. To further the struggles, we have been struggling for four years to add to our little family. Dean wants sibling, or more specifically sisters, so badly, and I know that my little family is not complete yet. While Gerry was deployed in 2007, I started the slow process of figuring out what is wrong. I faced cancer several years ago at the young age of 22, with an almost two year old. It was very frightening and I learned to love my family and my life with a greater devotion that I had ever given them, which was less than they deserved, even after, they still deserved more. I began to realize that this cancer had affected me more than I had expected, for all seemed normal until testing began. The doctors had discovered fibroids, but thought they would not cause a problem. Thankfully, pre-menopose was not a problem, but we soon discovered another problem. I had only one good side. After seaking more help, we also learned that my body doesn't do what a woman needs it to do to have children, so I would need more help than we anticipated. I am blogging about this, because I have been frustrated, upset, cried and become more determined to do this my way. Hence the reason for the new blog. I do use alot of those kinds of words (hence, thus), just one of my quirks! You learn to love them. So we started fertility drugs last year in August. I faced horrible mood swings, hot flashes and so much more on them, but it did not work. Thanks to a wonderful doctor that I have here, I began seeing a fertility specialist. My first appointment roled around and I found that my fibroids had gotten too big, I needed surgery. In between this first appointment and my scheduled surgery, my dad had a heart attack, my sister wound up back in the hospital. My surgery went great, with one exception, we found another problem, endometrosis. I lost my right side to it. My dad swiftly recovered, but my sister however, did not. She passed away in May on the 7th. My wonderful brother-in-law lost his dear wife and my twin sister lost what I would say was her best friend. They had become so close during the time they lived together in Nebraska before Dawn married. I know that they suffered more than the rest of us due to their love for Dawn and the life she added to theirs. Amy and Ryan were by her side through the thick of her cancer and will surely be blessed for being there to help her, love her and care for her. After my recovery was over, I became really ill and could not seem to get over all this, dealing with my grief for not knowing Dawn better, or loving her the way she deserved and struggling with not knowing what I was so ill from. In June, Dean went to Wyoming to visit his dad, while Gerry was getting ready for his upcoming training at NTC in California. While he was gone, I just got worse, on some days I could barely get out of bed to start my homework or take care of our dog, Legend. I somehow made it through with the help of wonderful friends and prayers that were sent my way. Gerry came home and I felt better, so it was time to call the doc. I went in, everything looks great, I healed wonderfully. I have since started my fertility drugs again, double the dose, poor hubby and son and dog, and everything is looking postive for the time being. Just have to wait and see what is next! Stay tuned, more updates to come, more blogs about my son, my husband, life as a military spouse.