There Maybe A Move In The Near Future...

Gerry and I swore that the next move would be our last.  Boy how we eat those words.  With his back being messed up again, he is looking for work again.  He is still employed and receiving a paycheck but it is not enough because of the circumstances surrounding his injury (I will not explain our financials beyond that).  So he is looking in Minnesota and already has people anxious to talk to him and set up interviews.  We shall see.   I am kind of hoping for a move to get us away from here and his brother and sister-in-law, which is a long story.  We want to be close enough for the girls, but far enough to have our own life and not be under the microscope with them. 

Teenager!

So I have decided that my biggest challenge in life is to make it through my son's puberty with one or both of us alive.  Having a child with Bipolar, ODD and now minimal ADHD going through puberty is going to be the death of me (or him, take your pick).  I do not remember being so secretive, defiant or down right rude and obnoxious as a teenager (my parents might say differently and I long to be able to talk to them, something I could really use right now).  I miss my parents advice in my life.  When I have needed it most right now, I cannot pick up the phone and talk to them.  Especially my mom.  I know that he is changing, and I am waiting for that voice change to take place, one of the last things since we noticed dark facial hair lately on his face.  I know he will kill me for this post, but it is hard to vent when no one really knows the struggles that we face and it is hard to talk to family, none of them have a child like mine and my sisters all have no children.  What is especially hard is that the world, media and friends all say that it is okay to go against the morals we teach in our home, and it is apparent and obvious with the way he acts at times and pushes us away.  We try to talk to him, get through to him and reach him, but he turns more to his friends than he does his parents.  It does not help that my ex-husband has hurt him almost beyond repair, causing a lot of trust issues with the adults that should be closest to him (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents).  His idea of being a parent is to manhandle, abusive and abrasive to force him to behave.  What is a parent to do when society says that we are wrong for the morals we teach and to encourage and be politically correct in our life (and I am only generalizing the politically correct part, since it is so adamant that Christians to bend to the ways of the world)?  What are we to do??  We are to pray, seek guidance from our Heavenly Father, who is loving and kind, that is what!  I am going to do what I know He wants, I am going to continue to raise my son with morals, and to believe that being politically correct is not important.  In fact, I refuse to be politically correct, if you don't like it then too bad!  I love everyone, but that doesn't mean that I have to accept everything to that society says is normal and right to be correct and turn my back on everything near and dear to me.  I want my son to be like my husband and brothers, a good man who loves their families and is strong in the gospel of Christ and loves his Heavenly Father!  Those are far more important than being politically correct!  So while we struggle with a teenager, I am going to do my best to seek guidance from my Father in Heaven than from the world, I am going to be more diligent in prayer to know how to teach my son to come to us and to be a gentle loving person that I know is still in there somewhere!  So my advice to the world and to those that push their beliefs contrary to mine: BEWARE, MY son is mine, not yours, he will not be OF the WORLD!  HE will be a good man in the gospel, a good priesthood holder and LOVE the Savior.  STAY OUT OF MY HOME!  Time to deep clean the garbage out of our home and hold on to the clean.

Gratitude For A Year...

So I have decided that I need to continue to find something to be grateful for each day for a year.  So this blog will continue to expand for the next year and be bounced around as I add to it.  I am also doing this on my Facebook page. 

Day 31: Yep still going! I thankful for the real reason behind the season. I love my Savior!

Day 32: Today I am thankful for the deer that will be filling numerous freezers. Gerry and his hunting group did pretty good, he didn't get one, but there is enough to spread the wealth.

Day 33: I am thankful for my Uncle Gerald who called me today! Bonnie and Gerald are so wonderful and I love them so much! My uncle and his wife Bonnie were always in our lives growing up with frequent visits before retirement and even more so afterwards. Not only was he my moms brother but my dads best friend and my Aunt Bonnie was my moms best friend. That is so amazing family, and I truly hope Gerry and I have that one day when we are older with family! Love you both!! 

Day 34: I am thankful for the opportunity to have new people in my life. I have made wonderful friends here through the church and I know they were placed in my life for a reason.

Day 35: I am thankful that my washing machine will finally be fixed tomorrow!!

Day 36: I am so thankful that my washer is fixed and running! Thank you to all who helped with it!
   

Thirty Days of Gratitude....That Time of Year Again...

It is that time of year again.  The difference is, I am really going to set a goal to keep this going all year round from now on.  I really do find that I am much happier when I think of all the wonderful blessings I have in my life to be thankful for.  Starting yesterday, here is the beginning of the year and hopefully I do this well enough for the rest of my life!  I am sharing my whole post from day 1 that I put on Facebook:

Day 1: It's that time of year again....yep 30 Days Of Thankfulness posts, I love doing this, seriously need to keep doing it all year round, it reminds me to be more thankful of my daily blessings and gifts. Day 1: I am thankful for the Gospel Of Christ in my life, it gives me comfort and peace and knowledge that blesses me so abundantly in life.

Day 2: I am thankful for the home we are living in. When we were moving things were supposed to be in the process of being taken care of in Montana. We found out while visiting Gerry's brother and his family that the woman that was supposed to be taking care of our paperwork so we would have a place to live quit, walked out, and left a pile of paperwork on her desk. Because of this, there were

numerous things that she failed to tell us we needed, didn't send in our paperwork to the main office. We would have been homeless had we kept going. Heavenly Father put us here for a reason and because of the generosity of family, we have a roof over our heads and Gerry was able to find a job (it took awhile, but he did). We are so grateful for Carl King and Jan Gluth King.

Day 3: today I am grateful for the few months I got to spend with an amazing woman. She was a small little lady, but her love was huge. I will miss visiting her dearly and taking her to church, but I am glad I had the opportunity to serve her. It was easy to love her so swiftly. It is not goodbye, but see you someday, again.  This is not in my post on my Facebook page:  The sister I visited was an amazing lady.  She was diagnosed with a rare disease at the age of ten and her parents were told she was not going to live and if she did, she would not live long.  She did almost die at that tender age, but she lived to 72, fought the entire time.  She married, had a daughter and granddaughter.  Her granddaughter was the light of her world and so was her great grandson.  She loved being close to her and I could tell from the short time I got to spend with her that her family was the most important part of her life. 

Day 4: Today I am thankful for old memories and the things that my friends from high school remember. Band and choir were my favorite times of high school, I made lasting friendships, fantastic memories that I will always cherish. It is fun to look back and only see what really matter: no drama, no stupid stuff, just the good!

Day 5: I am thankful for the teachers at my sons school. They are fantastic, we communicate almost daily about his progress, his stumbling blocks and in what we all can do to help him be successful. I have always been very involved in his education, but never to this extent and it wasn't because I didn't want it. It was always me who sought them out, now I have teachers who seek me out as well as I do them. Couldn't ask for better!

Day 6: today I am grateful that we live in the country we live in. Today is the day that happens every four years where we voice who we want to lead this great nation. I do not care what the choice is, but make sure your voice gets heard!! Today is Election Day!!

Day 7: I am thankful for a husband who will take care of me when I am sick. I have been so bad that he is doing house work and cooking for me so I can rest and try to recover. Love that man!

Day 8: Today I am thankful for my sweet puppy. I love it when he cuddles with me when I'm sick, how smart he is and how funny he can be when he plays.

Day 9: I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have to teach the high school youth in our little branch more about the New Testament and the Savior and His teachings. What an opportunity I have been given to not only help their testimony, but mine as well!

Day 10: I am thankful for good hospitals, doctors, nurses and other health professionals. Since moving here, we have been blessed with all the above. And it is comforting to know they are there when we need or have needed them.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for those that serve our country, and those that have served! I am especially grateful for Gerald King, John C. Frakes, John Frakes, Deryl King, Carl King, Brenda LaFontaine King, Doug Lewis, Earl King, my father-in-law and the family that helped fight for this country going all the way back to the Revolutionary War. It makes me proud to know that the Frakes family helped shape this country through years of military service and that I married into another family and that helped shape it.

Day 12: I am thankful for my sisters, especially Amy Frakes and Kimi Frakes who are very supportive of Gerry and I with prayers and just as a sounding board. Through the past couple of months they always check to see how his back is doing, see if we have heard anything new and offer comfort as we get frustrated with doctors when we still do not have answers. But I have more than just those two sisters, I have my sister Tracy, who is amazing, then my sister-in-laws, how are equally amazing! I love them all and I am grateful for them all!

Day 13: I am thankful for my faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior, it brings such comfort to know that I have a knowledge of His gospel and that my family will be reunited.

Day 14: I an thankful for very dark curtains today that help keep out the daylight so my migraine can go away.

Day 15: I am thankful for Lifetouch and the great work they do in taking school pictures! This years picture is awesome. We missed out on the ones from 4th to 7th because the base school did not do retakes, which bums me out, but I am so glad that we are in a great school and that there were retakes, I just love this years picture!    

Day 16: I am thankful today for my friends near and far. I made some who will always be a dear friend since becoming an Army Wife. I still have so many that are close from my childhood. The best part we get to stay more in touch because of phones, email and Facebook.  I tagged a few friends here they are, Missy Johannson, Jhona Oberholtzer, Emily Evans Morrill and Valerie Gordon.

Day 17: I am thankful for my brothers and brother-in-laws. My four brothers are amazing, two protect their communities, one defends our country and the other works very hard to take care of his family. All four are great fathers to their children and wonderful husbands. One of my brother-in-law is crazy talented and builds homes for people who need them and is very smart and got me addicted to Apple (like I said, smart), the other four have all defended this great nation at one point in their life. I am so thankful to call them family. Thank you all for being you, John C. Frakes, Ryan Kellogg, Carl King, Deryl King, Jared Frakes, Greg Frakes and Jeff Lanning!

Day 18: I forgot to post this, but I am thankful for my husband. I no longer have to be alone in my trials, I have a wonderful man there who supports me, anchors me and loves me.
 
Day 19: I am thankful for wonderful friends who know a thing or two about computers and washers. Both problems have been solved, hopefully they can be easy fixes now. Whew, nothing major on either part.

Day 20: I am thankful for the opportunity to hear a person's first conversation with Heavenly Father, the Spirit was amazing!

Day 21: Today I am thankful for those that came before me and gave all for our freedom so we could live in this great country, for new family and friends, for precious freedoms that we have and for blessings we receive!

Day 22: Today I am thankful for those that came before me and gave all for our freedom so we could live in this great country, for new family and friends, for precious freedoms that we have and for blessings we receive!

Day 23: I am thankful for the opportunity we had to enjoy not one but two Thanksgiving dinners. One was my sister-in-laws parents and the other a wonderful friend from church. Lots if yummy food, better company and rich blessings from both! It's always a wonderful gift to get to know more people!  We had one with Gerry's brothers in-laws and then went to a friends house and ate there with even more people all from church!  Great food and yummy desserts, but better company!

Day 24: I am thankful for little blessings and gifts.

Day 25: I am thankful for the opportunity I have to teach the gospel. It doesn't matter if it is my three year old Sunbeams or someone else, it is a blessing to share the Savior and my knowledge of Him!

Day 26: I am thankful for my son. We have settled into a routine and the last few days he is working hard and doing his chores to earn points in our new system. I would never change the kind of child he is, and love him more everyday!

Day 27: I am so thankful for Deans two teachers that work with him the most. I know I have posted this before, but they are excellent teachers and do such great work and always appreciate that we try very hard to support them as much as possible!

Day 28: I am thankful for books, I love to read and live to loose myself in the world my book gives me for that moment.

Day 29: I am thankful for a husband who knows me as well as he does and for not facing to cook dinner tonight, thank you, Ashley Nicole, it was yummy!!  

Day 30: I am thankful for my many blessings that I have in my life. My Heavenly Father knows what they are and that my heart is full. 

Over A Year....Seems Like Yesterday...

On September 9th shortly after midnight my sister called me, I knew what it was, I didn't want to answer, I hated answering.  My heart sunk in my chest and before she started talking I was fighting tears.  It seems like yesterday, I know exactly how I reacted, felt and thought in those few moments on the phone.  I didn't always get a long with my parents the way I or they wanted, it was hard being so different as a child and then continueing to be so different into adulthood.  I would say it was hard for them to get me (understand me and why I was so different that is to say), and I would say it is just as hard for my siblings.  They are all alike.  But I digress. 

One year ago and over a month she left this world and moved onto a better place where the cancer was gone and she was healthy and beautiful, not pain ridden or a body full of a horrible disease.  It is hard to believe that she is gone, still.  I still want to pick up the phone and ask for advice.  My son still misses his grandma.  It is easy to know she is better and that she is serving our Savior and Heavenly Father, her mission did not end, it had just begun.  But it is hard to not have her here.  I miss my mom.  I am thankful that I have a mother-in-law that is so much like her.  She listens when I call, gives motherly advice and loves me, better still, she accpets me completely.  I do not begrudge my family for not getting me or completely accepting me, I still love them, but I find comfort in her love and acceptance.  I think my parents now know why I am who I am and why I will never be like them.  I have gifts that are rare that allow me to love completely without holding back because of mistakes and hurt. 

I take comfort that she is once again in my fathers arms.  He loved her so, I miss them both, but they need to be together.  They are with my sister and the rest of our family that has moved on.  They are doing great things together.  But, I still miss them.  There is a void that never used to be there.  Shortly after my mom died, my dad returned a ring and earring set that Gerry picked out for my mom.  I am grateful for the husband that I have.  Even though I loved the set he bought me as a gift after his first deployment, it never felt like that was the one (I kind of feel like this is also like the wedding dress, you just know when it is one your finger that it is the one that is supposed to stay there for the rest of your life).  But when I put on my mom's ring after it was sized, I knew and he understood.  So when I asked to trade in my set and get a band to go with it, he let me.  About four weeks ago, the bottom of the ring broke on my ring that he bought her.  I was devistated, I knew it was coming because it was sized poorly when we got it.  I felt like she was missing in my life, like the ring gave me a piece of her again.  So having to mail it off to New York to get fixed was painful for me.  I needed it back on my finger.  Yesterday it finally came and I feel like she is back, that little piece of her.  I am so relieved to have it again.  This time it was done right, they fixed it perfectly and it is back where it belongs!  Here is the beautiful ring he bought her that I now have.  The earrings look just like it.  It is amazing what we find our comfort in when we loose a loved one.

Politics...

So the nature of politics and freedoms (this is my personal opinion here), have changed so much since I first became an adult and even more since I was a child.  I can honestly say that I am a pretty solid independent, really have no real conservative or liberal leanings.  But this last election, again my opinion, is forcing those that stand the middle ground, that can see the best of both political parties, to choose a side.  I am afraid my liberal friends really cannot see that they are so biased in their call for tolerance and my conservative friends are missing some good things from the liberal standing.  However that being said, I do lean more conservative than I do liberal.  It is the way I was raised, where I was raised and some of it my faith.  I feel I have been forced to take the conservative side of things as of late.  Democrats/Liberals are so intolerant of the Republican/Conservative morals, beliefs and views that they call them raciest, biased and other horrible things.  I can also see where the extreme right is really just as bad, but if I have to pick between my morals and personal beliefs, then I will stand with my Heavenly Father and Savior, which is where my morals come from.  I still believe I am an independent.  I can see good things from each side, but if I must choose between being called a raciest or that I am intolerant because of my conservative leanings, then I will choose being Republican and a Conservative rather than a Democrat or a Liberal.  One side should not have to sacrifice having religious freedom or morals because the other is not so religious and their morals are not the same.  This country was founded on religious freedom for a reason.  I have actually heard liberals and democrats (since each party has liberals and conservatives in them) say that there should be no religion in America, that way no one has to listen to or have religious beliefs forced on them.  Okay, here is my thought on that one:  If you do not want to listen, then don't, if someone is trying to force their religion on you, then walk away, no one is making you do either!  Do not stand there and whine about it, do something about it.  I do not force my religion on those that do not want it, but if they ask questions, I will answer them and I would rather them ask questions instead of assuming what they hear in the media or from former members or those that feel they are an expert on it, because why would you want information from someone who really isn't part of it, or was a former member.  I will tell you from that stand point, because I was there at one point, nothing good is said from this point of view, the one where the person used to be part of or quit attending or was burned for whatever reason.  I have nothing but good to share now and I love my faith, it gives me substance, a love for my neighbors, and a love for all mankind.  That is what the Savior wants of us.  So, I choose to be Republican for the time being and stick to my Conservative beliefs.  It is not what I want, I want to be an Independent with Conservative leanings, but if I must choose because I am called a traitor or ignorant or stupid because of those leanings, then I will choose the next best thing for me!  And for the record, I really am an Independent, and I love all people and beliefs and respect others morals.  I have friends from all walks of life and I love them all dearly.  Just because we have different points of views does not mean I will stop being their friend, I love them for their point of view, it is what makes them who they are.  I just wish some of them would be mindful and see what I see, good everywhere and not hate or be intolerant of others.  But then if that was the case, the world would be perfect and the Savior would have come again and life would be perfect!

So Proud of Our Boy....

These last two months have been a mix of feelings.  One is that we know that we are meant to be here, the other is the difficulty we are having finding work, which really surprises me with Gerry.  Most of the people tell him he is over qualified or never even bother to respond to his application or resume.  Just pure frustration.  We pray, fast, ask for more prayers from others and still we are waiting.  We know that all things happen in Heavenly Fathers time, but sometimes it is hard to be patient when we have bills creeping in.  Due to emergencies, our savings has been wiped out for a while now and we have yet to really start building it back up enough to really make a difference.

The other feeling, wow, it is amazing.  First, we know that people in our little branch prayed for us to be here.  Second, the school is AMAZING!  Our son Dean is doing so well.   He loves school again, but even more than he did before he hated it.  He loves all his teachers, they are fantastic.  Dean is on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan and soon to be Individualized Health Plan, which is new to me).  Due to the problems he has, he gets help so he can succeed.  The teachers are making such a difference.  Dean is capable of good grades and usually has great ones, with the exception of maybe a C or a D.  Right now, he is A/B and can make the honor roll if he can keep them up for the last four days of school, should be no hard feat, but we will see.  We don't want to tell him due to stress and anxiety, which makes it hard for him to do well.  We actually have to argue with him to keep him from going to school way too early, like an hour early!  The school system here is 4 in the state and around 700 out of 22,000.  Wow, that says something.  We could not have asked for better.  This just tells us, we needed to be here so that he could finally start succeeding.  He even helps out in class, reads aloud, and is participating by being a leader, something we have never seen him succeed at, usually there are problems.  I feel so blessed he is getting the help with his education more than Gerry and me pushing for more and better.  Now if the rest would just fall into place, life would be grand.