So Proud of Our Boy....

These last two months have been a mix of feelings.  One is that we know that we are meant to be here, the other is the difficulty we are having finding work, which really surprises me with Gerry.  Most of the people tell him he is over qualified or never even bother to respond to his application or resume.  Just pure frustration.  We pray, fast, ask for more prayers from others and still we are waiting.  We know that all things happen in Heavenly Fathers time, but sometimes it is hard to be patient when we have bills creeping in.  Due to emergencies, our savings has been wiped out for a while now and we have yet to really start building it back up enough to really make a difference.

The other feeling, wow, it is amazing.  First, we know that people in our little branch prayed for us to be here.  Second, the school is AMAZING!  Our son Dean is doing so well.   He loves school again, but even more than he did before he hated it.  He loves all his teachers, they are fantastic.  Dean is on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan and soon to be Individualized Health Plan, which is new to me).  Due to the problems he has, he gets help so he can succeed.  The teachers are making such a difference.  Dean is capable of good grades and usually has great ones, with the exception of maybe a C or a D.  Right now, he is A/B and can make the honor roll if he can keep them up for the last four days of school, should be no hard feat, but we will see.  We don't want to tell him due to stress and anxiety, which makes it hard for him to do well.  We actually have to argue with him to keep him from going to school way too early, like an hour early!  The school system here is 4 in the state and around 700 out of 22,000.  Wow, that says something.  We could not have asked for better.  This just tells us, we needed to be here so that he could finally start succeeding.  He even helps out in class, reads aloud, and is participating by being a leader, something we have never seen him succeed at, usually there are problems.  I feel so blessed he is getting the help with his education more than Gerry and me pushing for more and better.  Now if the rest would just fall into place, life would be grand.

May 7...Really Do Not Like This Day....

So, I realize that very few people really hate their birthdays, but my twin sister and I really do not like today.  Yes, today is my 34th birthday.  34 years ago on a Sunday after church as my mom was walking to the house she told my dad it was time.  Around 6:35 I was born, exactly 32 minutes later, so was my twin sister Amy.  Yes, I hold those long 32 minutes over her head.  But I digress.  In 2008, our sister married her sweetheart and soon after was diagnosed with cancer.  She went through treatments with Amy and my brother-in-law by her side with his family, completely devoted to her.  She was hospitalized a couple of times and seemed to be doing good, and the doctors gave her a good outlook.  Then in April we found out that it was worse that it was thought to be.  We were in the hospital at the same time.  Me for surgery and her for a bad reaction to her treatment.  Shortly after her release, our mom went in and all seemed okay for a bit, then she went right back in the day before Amy's and my birthday, prognosis was not good.  We made all the arrangements necessary to get there after a few hiccups and headaches.  It was not an easy trip to make.  My mom was just out of the hospital, got really sick, I was recovering from surgery and I know Amy was taking it hard, being that her and Dawn had roomed together for a long time before she married her husband.  They were very close.  Well, we found out the day that the arrangements were finally set that she passed away, our birthday.  I did not make it in time (for which I hold Gerry's company in complete accountability for).  So needless to say for a person who loves birthday's and would insist on making her own dinner and birthday cake, I went to hating my own birthday.  I refuse to have birthday cake anymore (usually it would be Strawberry Shortcake with Angel Food Cake, my favorite).  Now it is a reminder of a sad day, a day when a sweet spirit and a sweet beloved sister, daughter, wife and aunt passed away from a hateful disease.  We all miss her terribly.  I am happy for my brother-in-law, he is finally seeing someone new.  She is a lucky woman.  I know it was hard for him to loose her so soon after getting married (not even a year later).  Her birthday is drawing close as well, the 11th.  So on a day like today, as people post on my Facebook wall, my husband wishes me happy birthday (knowing full and well I hate it), I put on a brave face, thank them and move on.  I do have one friend who knows my feelings and tells me to just have happy just another day.  I appreciate her remembering how I feel.  I would be remiss to tell everyone not to post, so I thank them.  They are being friends after all and most do not know that my sister died today three years ago. So, I will continue to thank them.

I Know Heavenly Father Works Are Not For Us To Understand

The longer we are here, the more I know that we are meant to be here.  We had a meeting at Dean's school today, wow, amazing!  The school that he went to in Texas was great, they worked on several things and were amazing.  Georgia, not so much.  They stopped his social skills services when we got there (halfway through second grade) and at my request they began to work on them again before we moved here.  That is six years without services and I feel he suffered so much in that time without them.  We do as much as we can at home to reinforce them at home as much as possible, but having them in the two areas he spends the most time does so much more.  We try to be very active parents, but as a child grows from childhood to teenager, that becomes difficult, they withdraw and become more focused on friends and not family relationships.  They automatically reinstated this when he started in his schedule as a class.....wow!  That left me speechless, I could not thank them enough!  Today's meeting went so well, they asked for pointers, a sort of rescue plan if he has a meltdown or becomes angry, what his triggers are, things that concerned him that they saw in his file from his old school.  Gerry and I (especially me) have never had this kind of proactive approach from a school before.  Something that really bothered me, Georgia was constantly retesting, it went something like this: moved to Georgia, retest for services; moved to new grade (I think forth), retest; moved on post to new school; retest again (yes that is twice in one year); moved to another grade level (I believe it was sixth this time and a new school), retest; and they just retested again right before we moved here, not to mention they retested in Texas when we moved there.  So in the last seven years he was tested six times, so on average almost once a year pretty much except one year that he was there, and I may have even missed one for when he was in third and fifth grade, hard to keep track of all the testing.  So when they said that he qualified without testing again, I was so relieved, I even volunteered whatever IEP's I had at their disposal.  They asked for his most recent one, relief, I have them all, just have to find the one they want!  They are also very concerned about his relationship with biological father and even offered to help us in whatever way they can.  Again, wow!  This is another first.  Dean has expressed, already, the abuse (not specifically what he went through, but that is has happened) at his hand.  This made them very uncomfortable and where other school districts where he has said something have wanted to wash their hands of this, they are willing to do what it takes to severe visitation.  Not sure what their involvement would be, but we were at a loss for words.  My understanding is that schools are obligated to report and be involved if needs be but we could not get help.  Needless to say, Heavenly Father placed us here.  We found that several members of the ward were praying for a priesthood holder to be placed here in our new hometown.  We were prayed here.  There is a need for a good man like Gerry, we needed a good school like Dean (although at this point I would say excellent), as for me, I am not sure what my need is, why I need to be here, or what my need is from this beautiful little town is, but I am willing to find out!

GoodBye Old Life, Hello New Life...

So after twenty years in the Army, Gerry is done!  That is right, he retired with honors!  I am proud of my man.  Life has new adventures in store for us.  We initially thought we were moving to Arizona, but things changed, then it was Montana, but here we are, Decorah, Iowa!  The last year has literally been a hectic one.  Gerry kept trying to submit his retirement paperwork for approval to no avail, it kept getting kicked back to him.  UGH!  sometimes the military makes me so angry about things.  To retire, papers have to be done and turned in a year before the retirement date, so he was following protocol, they were not, we dealt with it and tried to roll with the punches.  He had to redo his medal, his NCOER (which he should not have been doing himself, duh, it is an evaluation, why would he evaluate himself??, just don't get it, but Kelly Hill had been having him do his own since he got there).  After nine months of this, things got tiring, we got concerned and started coming up with a backup plan after Retirement told him that he needed to have his paperwork in at seven months to retire on time, and that he needed permission to retire on time!  Crazy and stupid!  He continued to have more troubles with this same issue and after January still no papers to start his Retirement Briefings.  Backup plan became more and more of a "Do we do this?"  What was the backup plan??  To contact news agencies, Mitt Romney and some other people to highlight the problems we were having, specifically that Gerry was having.  Twenty years in the military deserved better than this treatment.  To top it all off, he found out that if the papers were not done and they continued to do this, we would lose all benefits: housing, MWR, commissary, Tricare, and pay.  So we would be homeless with no pay, no grocery shopping, could really careless about the MWR, rarely used it anyway, it was the rest of it that mattered!  So after some serious worries, he got his papers, FINALLY!  So we started making plans to move to Montana, we looked into places to live, found an apartment complex to apply for and got the application and filled it and started supplying paperwork they needed.  We started packing, preparing for the Retirement Ceremony (whole different ball of wax!), and sorting through the things to keep and not to keep.  Life was hectic and the man that was home for almost two months, was no longer there to help out so much again.  He was hectically trying to get all of his briefings in that he should have had already.   So the big day starts to come, Gerry goes to his Retirement Ceremony practice just to find that they do not have his medal!  WHAT??  The Brigade "took" his medal paperwork to NTC in California and it was downrange.  So Gerry did not (once again) get the honor he deserved from stinking Kelly Hill!  Long story.  He did not get to walk and if they did not find his paperwork, he would not get to clear base and we would not be able to leave on time.  I took it upon myself to vent my angry and upset emotions on four different Facebook accounts that were associated with 3rd ID.  Needless to say, that got the ball rolling and some higher officers were even scrambling to make things right and find his medal paperwork, not that it would matter for him to walk the next day.  So we got to leave on time.  We left and headed north to visit Gerry's brother in Minnesota.  After two days, we decided we needed more time after a very emotional day with Carl for Gerry (they took Carl's daughter Molly back to school and had a very long talk on the way back and things that he did not know were found out, it was very hard for him).  Long story shorter, we decided that Montana was out, Heavenly Father wanted us here in Iowa and so we moved into their house in Decorah and have been searching for a job ever since.  We love it here, Dean loves the school and his teachers and the school counselor.  Gerry's brother and sister-in-law are fantastic and we are so grateful!

Small Home Decorating...

So I have no real room for a big Christmas Tree this year, haven't really for the last three years, and my old artificial tree broke.  So instead of going out and replacing a tree for our little home this week, I used my little fiber optics tree to decorate a table with some small ornaments, hung my lights in my windows and the rest of the ornaments from the light bar and arch ways in my home, with my white garland.  I found a way to make my home festive and celebrate my favorite holiday with my favorite thing, putting up my ornaments and pretty decorations.  Here are a few tips through my pictures, sorry if they are not so great.

Crying.....and a ball

Next month, my husband and I are going to my first and last military ball.  I get to dress up in a beautiful dress, with beautiful jewelry, pretty shoes, have my hair done, nails done, with pretty hair doodads and all.  Well, we decided on a dress that would match his pants (well kind of, I thought we were going for the darker dress, which would have matched perfect, but I have a lighter dress, but it is just a beautiful).  As I was considering accessories, a must for these types of things for women, I was considering purses, shoes, jewelry and nails.  I found the perfect shoes, a great little silver clutch, wonderful hair doodads and nail polish with a nail polish pen to actually draw on my nails (wonders will never cease) and in silver even.  I was just having troubles with deciding on my jewelry.  I knew the bracelet that I wanted to wear, it was the one my sister picked out for all of her sisters, we were her bridal party and since I was not there for the actual wedding, I got it the day I showed up for her viewing after she passed away from her battle with cancer.  When my husband decided to join the church, he knew there were things he had to do and was getting ready to deploy, so we had to wait for fifteen months for him to come home and get himself squared away for his baptism.  He decided to buy me a wedding ring set after he got home because all I had was my engagement ring.  So as we were picking it out, he decided to get a set, but his kept loosing the diamonds, so we bought him a different one that would match as best as possible to the one that I had.  While there, he bought my mother a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring and earring set in white gold, and I had previously picked out a large (I would say foot and a half) teddy bear in an army green uniform and gave him general stars with dog tags with my dad's name on them saying he is the general of the Frakes Family.  He is the oldest of his siblings and the patriarch of our family.  We presented these to my parents at my husband's baptism when they brought Dean to us in 2008 that August.  It hit me one night that the jewelry would be perfect and would make my night that much more special.  So, I called my sister and talked to her about looking for them, and then tried to get a hold of my dad.  I knew it might be a long shot, I have to have the ring re-sized and I didn't know if he would let me have them for that because of that main reason.  Instead, he said that since we bought them, I should have them back.  Amy mailed them to me last Friday from Missouri and I received them in the mail today.  I knew that opening the box would be hard  to see the ring and earrings, I knew I would cry.  It was so emotional doing so.  I know that my night dressing up beautiful for my husband will have that extra special something because she will be with me now.  I asked my husband something a while back, I want to make her ring my wedding ring, I really hope he does allow it, I want to have her with me at all times, or if he doesn't let me do that, to wear it on my finger where I wear my engagement ring.  I miss my mom, there are many times I want to call her and give her news or ask for advice, or share something exciting.  Especially lately with Dean and how wonderful he is doing, or to talk about the ball, and how fun it is to be getting all dressed up again.  You never know how much you miss someone or appreciate them until they are gone.  Hold on to your dear loved ones tight, you'll miss them dearly when they are no longer there.

So Many Emotions Right Now....

I have been wanting to sit down for sometime and store some thoughts about my feelings recently but there just has been an overload of emotions that I felt I could not handle it all.  I have even more now.  When I was pregnant with my son, my beautiful mother was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia.  This is very different from Acute as that the person suffering from it will live a longer life, only need treatments as needed and mostly likely die of other natural causes.  So for thirteen years she battled this cancer, while I battled my own, which was a much easier battle, her granddaughter battled hers, and her daughter lost her life to her own in 2009.  Mine was the easier of the bunch.  I had mine removed and even though it was stage four, there were no treatments and it did not spread, I count myself very lucky and blessed by this fact, it could have been so much worse.  My niece lost one of her kidneys and had to do chemotherapy, she is a healthy, happy 11 year old that you would never know from looking at her that she battled cancer at six months.  My sister was diagnosed shortly after marrying her sweet husband.  She fought a long hard battle for eight months and passed away on May 7th, 2009, four days before her birthday, and a full ten days before her first anniversary.  My mom lost her sister to cancer and my dad lost his brother and his beloved wife.  Needless to say, we really do not like cancer, in fact we hate the disease in our family.  It has caused treasures to suffer, taken treasures and taken them much too early.  So yes, my mom died, Sept. 9th, 2011, twenty days before her birthday, and at almost 48 years of marriage, what a feat for my parents.  Most assuredly soul mates, I promise you, I have never doubted my parents love for each other.  My son discovered something on the way home from scouts last night.  We were discussing the meaning of first and middle names with two of the scouts we give rides to.  After dropping them off I told him to look up my parents names.  Charles and Carolyn.  Both are Germanic, Charles means manly farmer, while Carolyn means Joy feminine but is a variant of Charles meaning manly.  Grandpa told him that means they were looking for tough names because Grandma was a strong woman, which she really was, but I told my dad, it really just goes to show how much they were meant to be together, they had the same names, just the male/female version of them.  While she was battled the Leukemia, she also battled breast cancer, and survived.  You see, my mother was a nurse and remained in nursing until the day she passed from this earth into the hands of our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.  What does this have to do with everything and her cancer, it helped her survive if you ask me.  Taking care of others kept my mother going.  She was extraordinary nurse, and as some people put it, an example of what nurses should be.  She had nine children, two of them twins (which was unexpected).  At the time she was expecting myself and my twin sister, she had six children at home and was going to college, working and taking care of all her children.  She wound up having to quit her dream for a time period because twins were just a bit harder than she thought, but that did not stop her.  When we were in fourth and fifth grade, after taking classes through night school to get her prerequisites, she went to school full time two hours away to graduate with her RN.  With this RN she became a Nurse Manager, later a Director of Nursing, then went back to Nurse Manager because of her cancer due to the treatments and stress, the first time I have ever seen my mother say something was too much for her.  What an amazing woman, and not just because she was my mom.  She helped me be a better mother, I learned from her what to do when I became a single mother after my divorce, it saved me a lot of heartache in watching my son be torn between two mean and hateful parents, because I reserved judgement and never spoke and still do not speak about his dad unkindly.  My parents babysat for me (all while she was working full time, taking care of a husband who had serious health issues off and on), he loves his grandpa and grandma and is extremely close to them.  He misses grandma so much.

 My beautiful mom and my dad

Recently in my old ward, we just moved to another part of post and changed wards, a little three year old girl was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.  She just passed away yesterday.  While I am still grieving myself, it has been hard to separate the two.  I had the opportunity to help her parents out while they were getting ready to leave church my last Sunday in the ward.  They needed someone to sit with her as they were loading up the rest of their family.  So I offered to help out since I was hunting mom down anyway to giver her something.  I cannot describe how frustrating it was to not know how to help this sweet little angel.  The tumor had affected her speech and only mom and dad could really understand her wants and needs.  I was showing her pictures on my iPad.  Come to find out when dad got there, she wanted to shop for earrings and nail polish.  Even in her most frustrating moments, she was still happy and wanted to be normal.  Although I could not comply, my iPad does not have data usage, I thought how wonder it was that she still was a little girl.  While I only got a glimpse of their day, if it can even be called that, it was an eye opener for me for sure.  I had a sick child when my son was born, but nothing to that extent.  I was always grateful that my son survived the things he went through as a baby, surgery, viral meningitis, high fevers, flu, scarlet fever, and another rash with high fever.  It was not easy, and certainly very scary to say the least, but having a child with cancer and seeing how helpless they are, watching them suffer through treatments, being sick, that is something no child should have to go through, and then there is the fact that some of them die.  I cannot imagine the pain of the loss of a child.  My parents had to experience, my grandmother had to experience it.  Each handled it differently, I can tell you that, but I saw the sadness in their eyes knowing they lost a child, even if it was an adult child.  Being a parent does not change that.  How do you cope with that?  I hope and pray I never find out.  This sweet little girl was vibrant, beautiful and touched many hearts.  I will share her CaringBridge and encourage anyone who reads this to please read her story.  The tumor she had is rare, and this makes the second child I know that has died from it.  How truly sad to lose so small and so innocent children to such a horrible disease.  I am also going to share another thing.  Here is the CaringBridge: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/miraclemadidouglas
and here is the other site it is called The Cure Starts Now: http://www.thecurestartsnow.org/
It was started by parents who also lost their child to the same type of tumor.  Please keep these families that have children suffer from these tumors in your thoughts and prayers.  I know this is not the most happiest of post on my blog, but I felt a need to get the words out.