Last month was great! And, not so great! After visiting my parents in Arizona, I remembered why I do not visit for more than a week. It was nice to see them and to see that my dad is doing better than I thought. My parents are working on getting him into a twenty day rehab at a hospital there to do physical therapy so that he can use his own legs again and not be confined to a wheel chair. Here's hoping that this works out sooner rather than later. Mom is starting a new kind of therapy for her cancer. This is a new medicine that has been used in Europe for some time, and since she did not respond so hot to the kemo in May last year, this is the only route that she is willing to try.
It was great to see Gerry last month. But it stinks at the same time. We now have ten months left until he comes home from his deployment. That is going to be a long stretch that will probably be extremely difficult for Dean and I. I especially feel that I will need his support come May. I am already feeling the crushing weight of what is coming for that month. I am not certain that I will even celebrate my birthday this year, just don't feel that it is something I can do. It almost terrifies me to think about May and how I will take it being just a year later since my sister passed.
Dean is doing better in someways, and not so great in others. He is still very angry with Gerry for deploying. I have come to the conclusion that he may not understand that daddy cannot tell the Army, "No, I am not deploying, I want to stay home with my family." If he were to do that, he would be in big trouble, but I just don't think Dean understands that. It might be something that I or Gerry would have to explain. If Gerry had that choice, he would most defiantly say, "I am staying here to serve on Rear-D and be with my family". Gerry loves Dean dearly, and hates to spend time away from him. Not to mention that he loves me, too, and would rather be here at home than there in Iraq fighting a war.
We are starting a new thing in therapy where Dean and I are going to work on communication skills, and other things together. I am very frustrated that he will not help keep the house clean, and have begun to feel like a maid or servant for him, which I REFUSE to continue to let happen. So after talking to our therapist, we have decided to share our time with her to work through this so that Dean understands that he can clean the house and help out and not make mommy feel unappreciated. Lets see how well this works.
I am struggling getting back into full swing with life, school, and other....not sure what other is, but I have many things going on right now, almost overwhelmed. After realizing just how overwhelmed, I have decided that when I get my Associates Degree I want the school to start my bachelor program in August, to give me a two month break, so that I do not burn out on school. Hopefully they will be receptive to this and do just that.
I have been waiting patiently for my referral for my lab band surgery but to no avail. I must call the doctor's office and see if it was submitted. I have also been putting off seeing my psychiatrist, but that is just because I forget to make the appointment when I am there. I have not been sleeping so great since coming home, but that is partly because I ran out of my medication to help me fall asleep and stay that way. I am also out of the medication that we decided on to treat my bi-polar symptoms that have been a problem since my sister passed away in May last year. Must remember to do that on Friday when we go in for our appointment with our therapist.
