Dean....

So we are working with a new therapist with Dean to help him get through life, I guess you would say. He has been really struggling for the last few weeks. Especially as it gets closer to Gerry's deployment. The list that he made up has worked wonders so far, but he still has his moments. Last week we had a great week, no real outbursts and he did not lose his temper like normal. This week has been more of a struggle but I think I have found another way to help him. Every night at bed time he starts to come up with excuses to not go to bed, he is hungry, or wants a hot bath to help him relax. To combat these excuses, he has to eat dinner with us, which he has been making excuses not to, and if he is still hungry he can have a snack about eight- eight thirty. The bath thing, he takes that around seven o'clock to seven thirty. Then we will go to his room and I will read to him out of the book of choice, which is currently the second book in the Inheritance Series. He loved the Eragon movie and I bought him both books in paperback when they finally came out in paperback. So far so good. The punishment that his therapist came up with is working really good. He gets his lizards taken away if he loses his temper and hits dad or myself. Now if I can just get him to do all his homework and behave at school. He has started to struggle there. I am hoping this is just a reaction to the upcoming deployment and that he will do better, but we will have to wait and see. I am signing him up for wrestling this month, which will make uncles and one cousin very happy, not to mention grandpa. We will see if that will help him with some of his problems. He is very active otherwise, but I am hoping that learning the focus of wrestling will help him more. Cooking lessons are going great, he loves his new cookbook and I have found a great recipe for sherbert on the Relief Society blog that I think he will like since he loves sherbert.

Update...

So for those of who have been following this and for my sanity, I went to the doctor today for more blood tests and another ultra-sound. Good news and bad news. Good news, I have six eggs ready, bad news, they are on the side that does not work anymore. I am alittle disappointed, since this was our last chance to try before Gerry leaves for a year. I am trying to look at the bright side of things. I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor, have the much put off yearly check up and talk to him about getting the lap band done since I am almost a hundred pounds overweight and just work on losing the weight while Gerry is in Iraq. Maybe with the added pounds off, we will have a better chance of having more children. I am also going to look into adoption, so if any of you have advice or can just talk to me about it, it would be great.

Fertility Update...

So I just finished the first round of fertility and had a pregnancy test today. It came back negative. I am a little crushed, not really taking the news well. I had several friends all want me to call them with the news, but I have no urge to see or talk to anyone. It is frustrating when you want something so bad, and things are going well, doctors and nurses are encouraged by the results they are getting and nothing comes of it. So, once again, on day three, I will be starting the clomid to get more help. Not really looking forward to the hormones, but I want this. I know that I am ment to have more children, my family is just not complete. There are children up there with Heavenly Father and the rest of my family that are waiting for us. Going to cry, so leaving it there.

Things to Remember before an Upcoming Deployment...

As I lay down trying to sleep last night, I was thinking of a few things that are important to remember to do before your loved one leaves. In the mad rush to get all the gear packed, buy everything they need, and all the other endless lists of things they need to do before it is time to board the plane to leave, some of the most important things are forgotten. I feel these are the most important things that we need to remember, so I am going to share them.

1. Always remember to say "I Love You" several times a day, after every phone call, before leaving for work in the morning, before going to bed at night to your loved ones.

2. Take time out of that busy schedule on the weekends or during vacation at watch your wife's favorite chick flick or favorite shows on television.

3. Drop everything an play outside with your child/children or play a video game or watch a movie of their choice.

4. Spend a weekend curled up on the couch with your family reading, watching movies, eating popcorn, going for bike rides, maybe even see that movie that you have been wanting to see all summer/winter/fall/spring.

If you do these things it will remind your family that you love them dearly, that they are still the most important thing in the world. It will also give them some great memories while you are gone to last them until you come home for R&R. Nothing should be more important than forging more memories for the family to share. I am sure there are more and as I think of them, I will share them here.

Update on Fertility Treatment...

Things are looking good so far. Sunday I went in to the doctors office after a good ultra sound on Friday. I had three eggs ready. Such great news, and it fit with Gerry's three thing, will explain later, but it caused him to have funny dreams Friday after teasing him about it that afternoon. Sunday I did my Ovedril shot, which just reaffirmed my hormones are evil opinion. I was so sick Sunday afternoon that I could not do my homework and wound up going to bed at six, way early for me. They told me that everything looked great, I was responding to my hormone treatments very well. I made an appointment to see them today at nine. The ultrasound once again was great. I had released all my eggs. I start progesterone today to help my uterus and go back for a pregnancy test in 12 days. All is looking very well.

Okay back to Gerry's three thing. Three is a very important number in his life. It is his favorite number (don't understand that one, as I do not have a favorite number), Dale Earnhardt Sr. drove the number three car and was and still is his favorite driver for NASCAR. I am Gerry third wife, we always joke that third time the charm, and he has had three religions in his life, again third time the charm. So after telling Gerry that I had three good eggs and was ready for ovulation, he had very strange dreams. He dreamed of threes all night long. The number three floating around, three girls, three boys, three houses, and three cars. Needless to say, he did not sleep well that night. I thought it was funny. We are very excited and hope this first treatment works, but are trying not to be too optimistic. We know that it is rare for the first one to work. We have one good month, maybe two, depending on when he leaves for Iraq in October. Dean is the more excited of the three of us. He cannot wait to have siblings.

Preparing for Deployment...

As I already mentioned, Gerry is getting ready for another deployment to Iraq. It is never easy, there is much to get done and we only just started. He has to pack his gear, get new get, pack his tuff boxes and much more. We also have to get power of attorney in place so that I can do taxes while he is gone and heaven forbid any other legal issues that he might need while he is gone. This will be his 5th deployment since 2001, and sixth over all. For those that do not know Gerry that well, he was there in the 90's for Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm. Deployments are never easy, especially for the children that are left behind with mommy or daddy that wonder where the other parent is and if they will be coming home. It never gets easier as they get older, either. This deployment may be our most difficult yet, as I might be pregnant while he is gone. I will be honest, it terrifies me that he will not be here if I am pregnant while he is gone. But, we want to start our family and looming medical issues make it important that we get pregnant as soon as possible. I am grateful that I have a wonderful son that loves to look after mommy when she doesn't feel good, lol, if you could call it that. He sometimes leaves me a bigger mess than before I wasn't feeling well, but he does try. Since he is getting older, we are trying to give him more responsibility in the home, like dishes, laundry (I started my own when I was tall enough to reach the dials, needless to say, he is starting his sooner than I did), and taking care of the dog's food. We will see what happens after deployment takes place.



One thing that military families face is a change in family dynamics. Things get tense as the deployment gets closer. I am sure that it is never intentional, and it may not happen in most families, but it does in mine. Gerry is very new to the church, despite feeling like an old soul that is finally back where he belongs, things are still hard for him at times. He tends to push us away as it gets closer, I don't know if this makes things easier for him to leave, but it is hard to bear at times. I remind him that we love him, and point out his subconscious pushing us away.

This post has been in the works for a couple of months now. Gerry has gotten his flight date. He leaves the 14th of October, which is a Wed. It is two weeks away. So much to get done, little time to do it. We are trying to spend as much time together alone and with Dean and so that he and Dean have some alone time together. One of my best friends here, I just love her to death, is Becky Hairr. She was a military child while growing up and she gave me some great advice. Since Dean is bi-polar and ADHD she suggested us to have Dean do what her mom had her do. So Dean has complied a list of five things that he wants to do with Dad and some of them include myself. He learned to grill tonight, dinner was great, I loved it. It was just cheeseburgers, but they were delicious, so just cheeseburgers is one that I will take any day if this is a prelude to his cooking in the future. We have a Wii day, where it is mostly him and Gerry, with me alittle bit, but I don't mind. Movie date, almost got excluded from that one, but he was kind and let me join them. They will go bowling together, just the two of them. He also scheduled a bike ride just the two of them. He has complete control over this list and picked grilling for his first. So far, he has had the best day in a long while.

As for me, there will be no pregnancy while Gerry is gone. Hopefully some weight loss with the help of the lap band. I tried to schedule my appointment for my checkup, but my doctor is full right now. I am also going to start researching adoption, since there is more at play than just the effects of my cervical cancer and the fibroids that I had removed in April. I started watching this reality show called The Locator and it has totally won my heart over to adoption. Finally a reality show worth having on TV. For those that do not know my opinion of reality shows, I think they stink! A waste of good TV time for something else that would be worth watching. Oh well, at least there is one. If you get the chance to catch it, do so. The guy reunites people who have been adopted, separated or other similar situations. Every single one had me in tears.

The next year will be hard, but I am hoping it is better than our last. 2007 was difficult. Two car accidents, son in the hospital, loneliness, and other struggles. I am determined to strengthen my friendships here while he is gone. Try to get out of the house more, I am too homely for my own good. These are my goals for the next year. I am hoping my dear friends here will help me in my efforts. I will continue school, almost have my associates degree. That will be June, only five more classes left. Then straight into my bachelors program. I look forward to getting it all done. With my associates I might be able to sub, think I will give it a try here when I have it. I love the classroom so much and look forward to finishing my degree.

Update about me...

Okay, so I know that I already posted today, but many of you that I have invited to view this blog have not heard from me in sometime. I recently remarried, well kind of recently. We have been married for almost three years. I met him while I was still in Rawlins, Wyoming and it was love at first site for both of us. Yes, it does exist. He loves Dean and Dean loves him, so I was truly blessed. He serves his country proudly and has been on many deployments since 2001. We started dating in 2005 while he was deployed, so I walked into our life together with my eyes wide open prepared for the emotional and mental struggles that I would face as a wife of a soldier and for the struggles that Dean would face with his Daddy being gone. It is not always easy, but I am a firm believer of the old saying: "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." I am going back to school to get my degree in education and serve a couple of callings in church. I am the traveling Family History Consultant and the Cub Master for Dean's Cub Scout Troop, the last one still makes me laugh. I am learning as I go, but love working with the boys and the leaders for the Den that I have. I love my ward here. Dean wanted to get baptized when he turned eight, so I started going back to church with him and while taking the discussions, Gerry sat in on them with us and found himself getting more and more interested. He decided two weeks before deploying in 2007 that he wanted to join. He had somethings to work out before that, so he just devoted himself to going to church on Sundays and continued to learn from the Elders that had come into our lives. They will forever hold a special place in our hearts and we love them very dearly. He was deployed for 15 months in 2007-2008, it was hard, we cried much, laughed a little but learned to love more deeply. Dean really struggled, but I had some wonderful support here in my ward. It is by largely, a military ward, so they know what kind of support the families that are left behind need. I shared the 4th of July with a good friend and her children while I was alone in 2007 for the summer, Dean being in Wyoming visiting his dad, and had Thanksgiving with the same family, who lovingly welcomed us into their home. It was a wonderful dinner, great food, great company, what more could you ask for? Gerry came home in May of 2008 and started taking the discussions again. He had made strides with the things he felt he needed to take care of before entering the waters of baptism and set his date for when my parents could come down so that Dad could do the honors. In August on teh 17th 2008, he became a member of the church. He was confirmed the sameday and received the priesthood the following Sunday with instructions to prepare himself to receive the higher priesthood in three months. Sure enough that is what took place. He received a calling in Scouts as the Webelo Leader along with myself and to be primary teachers. Not long after that though, he was released and called to be Ward Mission Leader and is doing a great job. The Elders love working with him and he is very devoted in insuring that investigators are having their needs met. Dean is doing great, with a few hang ups, but such is life for a growing boy. He loves the fifth grade so far, I know, it is hard to believe that he is that old. He is getting tall, and smarter by the day. He loves scouts and is working hard to be finished with Webelos before his 11th birthday. He loves our dog, who is a big puppy that thinks he is a lap dog. He is constantly suprising me and doing things that I would not expect of a boy his age. He offers to help neighbors when he sees it, befriends those that are not always liked by others for being different. He is so great with little kids and even more so with babies. I am so proud of him. I have already updated as much as I can about me, but will work hard to keep all up to date about new things. Gerry is deploying again this year and will likely be leaving in a couple of month.

New Start...

Okay, so I already have another blog, but I have since decided that I would try again. Only this one will be for myself and my family. I have a wonderful husband who is in the army and a great son that will be 11 in Decemeber. We have lately been faced with many obstacles, but we are pulling together with the help of our wonderful Heavenly Father and through each other to make it through them. I lost a beautiful sister in May, have faced my parents continueing health problems, and my son's disorders that periodically send us to the ER or to another medical institution to continue getting him the help he so dearly needs. To further the struggles, we have been struggling for four years to add to our little family. Dean wants sibling, or more specifically sisters, so badly, and I know that my little family is not complete yet. While Gerry was deployed in 2007, I started the slow process of figuring out what is wrong. I faced cancer several years ago at the young age of 22, with an almost two year old. It was very frightening and I learned to love my family and my life with a greater devotion that I had ever given them, which was less than they deserved, even after, they still deserved more. I began to realize that this cancer had affected me more than I had expected, for all seemed normal until testing began. The doctors had discovered fibroids, but thought they would not cause a problem. Thankfully, pre-menopose was not a problem, but we soon discovered another problem. I had only one good side. After seaking more help, we also learned that my body doesn't do what a woman needs it to do to have children, so I would need more help than we anticipated. I am blogging about this, because I have been frustrated, upset, cried and become more determined to do this my way. Hence the reason for the new blog. I do use alot of those kinds of words (hence, thus), just one of my quirks! You learn to love them. So we started fertility drugs last year in August. I faced horrible mood swings, hot flashes and so much more on them, but it did not work. Thanks to a wonderful doctor that I have here, I began seeing a fertility specialist. My first appointment roled around and I found that my fibroids had gotten too big, I needed surgery. In between this first appointment and my scheduled surgery, my dad had a heart attack, my sister wound up back in the hospital. My surgery went great, with one exception, we found another problem, endometrosis. I lost my right side to it. My dad swiftly recovered, but my sister however, did not. She passed away in May on the 7th. My wonderful brother-in-law lost his dear wife and my twin sister lost what I would say was her best friend. They had become so close during the time they lived together in Nebraska before Dawn married. I know that they suffered more than the rest of us due to their love for Dawn and the life she added to theirs. Amy and Ryan were by her side through the thick of her cancer and will surely be blessed for being there to help her, love her and care for her. After my recovery was over, I became really ill and could not seem to get over all this, dealing with my grief for not knowing Dawn better, or loving her the way she deserved and struggling with not knowing what I was so ill from. In June, Dean went to Wyoming to visit his dad, while Gerry was getting ready for his upcoming training at NTC in California. While he was gone, I just got worse, on some days I could barely get out of bed to start my homework or take care of our dog, Legend. I somehow made it through with the help of wonderful friends and prayers that were sent my way. Gerry came home and I felt better, so it was time to call the doc. I went in, everything looks great, I healed wonderfully. I have since started my fertility drugs again, double the dose, poor hubby and son and dog, and everything is looking postive for the time being. Just have to wait and see what is next! Stay tuned, more updates to come, more blogs about my son, my husband, life as a military spouse.