Over A Year....Seems Like Yesterday...

On September 9th shortly after midnight my sister called me, I knew what it was, I didn't want to answer, I hated answering.  My heart sunk in my chest and before she started talking I was fighting tears.  It seems like yesterday, I know exactly how I reacted, felt and thought in those few moments on the phone.  I didn't always get a long with my parents the way I or they wanted, it was hard being so different as a child and then continueing to be so different into adulthood.  I would say it was hard for them to get me (understand me and why I was so different that is to say), and I would say it is just as hard for my siblings.  They are all alike.  But I digress. 

One year ago and over a month she left this world and moved onto a better place where the cancer was gone and she was healthy and beautiful, not pain ridden or a body full of a horrible disease.  It is hard to believe that she is gone, still.  I still want to pick up the phone and ask for advice.  My son still misses his grandma.  It is easy to know she is better and that she is serving our Savior and Heavenly Father, her mission did not end, it had just begun.  But it is hard to not have her here.  I miss my mom.  I am thankful that I have a mother-in-law that is so much like her.  She listens when I call, gives motherly advice and loves me, better still, she accpets me completely.  I do not begrudge my family for not getting me or completely accepting me, I still love them, but I find comfort in her love and acceptance.  I think my parents now know why I am who I am and why I will never be like them.  I have gifts that are rare that allow me to love completely without holding back because of mistakes and hurt. 

I take comfort that she is once again in my fathers arms.  He loved her so, I miss them both, but they need to be together.  They are with my sister and the rest of our family that has moved on.  They are doing great things together.  But, I still miss them.  There is a void that never used to be there.  Shortly after my mom died, my dad returned a ring and earring set that Gerry picked out for my mom.  I am grateful for the husband that I have.  Even though I loved the set he bought me as a gift after his first deployment, it never felt like that was the one (I kind of feel like this is also like the wedding dress, you just know when it is one your finger that it is the one that is supposed to stay there for the rest of your life).  But when I put on my mom's ring after it was sized, I knew and he understood.  So when I asked to trade in my set and get a band to go with it, he let me.  About four weeks ago, the bottom of the ring broke on my ring that he bought her.  I was devistated, I knew it was coming because it was sized poorly when we got it.  I felt like she was missing in my life, like the ring gave me a piece of her again.  So having to mail it off to New York to get fixed was painful for me.  I needed it back on my finger.  Yesterday it finally came and I feel like she is back, that little piece of her.  I am so relieved to have it again.  This time it was done right, they fixed it perfectly and it is back where it belongs!  Here is the beautiful ring he bought her that I now have.  The earrings look just like it.  It is amazing what we find our comfort in when we loose a loved one.

Politics...

So the nature of politics and freedoms (this is my personal opinion here), have changed so much since I first became an adult and even more since I was a child.  I can honestly say that I am a pretty solid independent, really have no real conservative or liberal leanings.  But this last election, again my opinion, is forcing those that stand the middle ground, that can see the best of both political parties, to choose a side.  I am afraid my liberal friends really cannot see that they are so biased in their call for tolerance and my conservative friends are missing some good things from the liberal standing.  However that being said, I do lean more conservative than I do liberal.  It is the way I was raised, where I was raised and some of it my faith.  I feel I have been forced to take the conservative side of things as of late.  Democrats/Liberals are so intolerant of the Republican/Conservative morals, beliefs and views that they call them raciest, biased and other horrible things.  I can also see where the extreme right is really just as bad, but if I have to pick between my morals and personal beliefs, then I will stand with my Heavenly Father and Savior, which is where my morals come from.  I still believe I am an independent.  I can see good things from each side, but if I must choose between being called a raciest or that I am intolerant because of my conservative leanings, then I will choose being Republican and a Conservative rather than a Democrat or a Liberal.  One side should not have to sacrifice having religious freedom or morals because the other is not so religious and their morals are not the same.  This country was founded on religious freedom for a reason.  I have actually heard liberals and democrats (since each party has liberals and conservatives in them) say that there should be no religion in America, that way no one has to listen to or have religious beliefs forced on them.  Okay, here is my thought on that one:  If you do not want to listen, then don't, if someone is trying to force their religion on you, then walk away, no one is making you do either!  Do not stand there and whine about it, do something about it.  I do not force my religion on those that do not want it, but if they ask questions, I will answer them and I would rather them ask questions instead of assuming what they hear in the media or from former members or those that feel they are an expert on it, because why would you want information from someone who really isn't part of it, or was a former member.  I will tell you from that stand point, because I was there at one point, nothing good is said from this point of view, the one where the person used to be part of or quit attending or was burned for whatever reason.  I have nothing but good to share now and I love my faith, it gives me substance, a love for my neighbors, and a love for all mankind.  That is what the Savior wants of us.  So, I choose to be Republican for the time being and stick to my Conservative beliefs.  It is not what I want, I want to be an Independent with Conservative leanings, but if I must choose because I am called a traitor or ignorant or stupid because of those leanings, then I will choose the next best thing for me!  And for the record, I really am an Independent, and I love all people and beliefs and respect others morals.  I have friends from all walks of life and I love them all dearly.  Just because we have different points of views does not mean I will stop being their friend, I love them for their point of view, it is what makes them who they are.  I just wish some of them would be mindful and see what I see, good everywhere and not hate or be intolerant of others.  But then if that was the case, the world would be perfect and the Savior would have come again and life would be perfect!