One year ago and over a month she left this world and moved onto a better place where the cancer was gone and she was healthy and beautiful, not pain ridden or a body full of a horrible disease. It is hard to believe that she is gone, still. I still want to pick up the phone and ask for advice. My son still misses his grandma. It is easy to know she is better and that she is serving our Savior and Heavenly Father, her mission did not end, it had just begun. But it is hard to not have her here. I miss my mom. I am thankful that I have a mother-in-law that is so much like her. She listens when I call, gives motherly advice and loves me, better still, she accpets me completely. I do not begrudge my family for not getting me or completely accepting me, I still love them, but I find comfort in her love and acceptance. I think my parents now know why I am who I am and why I will never be like them. I have gifts that are rare that allow me to love completely without holding back because of mistakes and hurt.
I take comfort that she is once again in my fathers arms. He loved her so, I miss them both, but they need to be together. They are with my sister and the rest of our family that has moved on. They are doing great things together. But, I still miss them. There is a void that never used to be there. Shortly after my mom died, my dad returned a ring and earring set that Gerry picked out for my mom. I am grateful for the husband that I have. Even though I loved the set he bought me as a gift after his first deployment, it never felt like that was the one (I kind of feel like this is also like the wedding dress, you just know when it is one your finger that it is the one that is supposed to stay there for the rest of your life). But when I put on my mom's ring after it was sized, I knew and he understood. So when I asked to trade in my set and get a band to go with it, he let me. About four weeks ago, the bottom of the ring broke on my ring that he bought her. I was devistated, I knew it was coming because it was sized poorly when we got it. I felt like she was missing in my life, like the ring gave me a piece of her again. So having to mail it off to New York to get fixed was painful for me. I needed it back on my finger. Yesterday it finally came and I feel like she is back, that little piece of her. I am so relieved to have it again. This time it was done right, they fixed it perfectly and it is back where it belongs! Here is the beautiful ring he bought her that I now have. The earrings look just like it. It is amazing what we find our comfort in when we loose a loved one.
